The Father Who Accidentally Discovers His Teenage Son Is Gay And How He Handled It

iPad_user_dreamstimeAs anyone who’s ever hopped on a friend’s computer or tablet knows, Google search history is an incredibly easy way of involuntarily snooping on the device owner’s current state of affairs.

And that’s how this story begins — Reddit user HeMeYou asked to borrow his 13-year-old son’s iPad and noticed a lot of old searches popping up along the lines of “I’m gay what now?”

Luckily, there are dads like this one out there in the world. He turned to Reddit to seek advice on what to do, posting:

‘I love him regardless of which gender he loves, in fact when I was slightly older than him I had a few flings with guys, which he doesn’t know about, so I am 100% supportive. He has seemed slightly down recently, as in, he isn’t as cheerful as he once was, and I desperately want to tell him that I love him regardless of which sexuality he is.

‘What are my options? Should I wait for him to tell me? Or should I make a few hints at it?

‘I’m worried that if I don’t hint at it, that he will be worried about something that he really doesn’t have to be worried about… if that makes sense.’

And even more luckily, there are people on the internet like the ones who flooded the thread with support and guidance.

Here’s a small sampling of the replies:scr

And as if the responses aren’t heartwarming enough, the father posted this update:

‘Firstly, I’d just like to thank all of you who commented and gave me advice on the previous post, and because the post got so much attention I thought it wouldn’t be fair for me not to make an update.

‘As many comments suggested that I do, is to slightly hint toward the notion that I am perfectly happy with having a gay son, while letting him do the work in actually saying the words “I’m gay”, and I thought that was a very good idea.

‘I started off with talking about general media with him, for instance I mentioned how awesome it was that Tim Cook (CEO of Apple) came out as being gay and I asked him what he thought about it and I was completely expecting him to give a typical teenager response like “yeah.. its good” or something like that, but he actually gave me a detailed response which I absolutely loved because for the first time in a good while I’ve actually held a conversation with my son that felt really… rewarding.

‘I also wanted to talk to him about how I’ve noticed that he’s not been acting as cheerful as he usually has and I sort of gave the cliché spiel of “I love you no matter what and I just want to see you be happy” but I didn’t get much of a response that time apart from “yeah I know..”

‘The next day as I picked him up from school I thought I’d ask him about any crushes he has, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t say a gender when I asked him, so instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’ I used ‘they’ etc.. Here is that conversation as I remember it…

‘Me: So, do you have a crush on anyone?

‘Son: Uhm… no..m..maybe..

‘Me: Ohhh so who is the lucky person?

‘At this point he sort of looked at me slightly confused, I’m not 100% sure why, but I’m assuming it is because I said “lucky person” rather than “lucky girl”.

‘Son: Just someone from my french class…

‘Me: Oh yeah… so what do you like about them?

‘Son: Just.. stuff..

‘Me: Okay.. but.. like what?

‘Son: I dunno they’re just kinda funny I guess…

‘At this point I dropped the conversation but just before I did I told him “Well, whoever it is, they should be so lucky to have you as a boyfriend..” and while I didn’t see it, I certainly felt as though he was rolling his eyes at my cheesy comments.

‘At the dinner table the same day, while we were eating we had a couple minutes of silence, not much was heard apart from the cutlery and my son finally said “I actually wanted to tell you something in the car, but I was afraid you’d get in an accident..” I looked up from my plate and looked at him straight in the eyes… I could see he was thinking about something and all I could think of was “OMG this is it…” he said “Dad..” with a couple seconds of silence “..I’m gay”. I looked at him and couldn’t help myself from smiling, and I told him “____, you know I love you so much… right?” and I got up and gave him a huge hug. He even started to cry on my shoulder and because of that I couldn’t help myself but shed a couple tears. We talked for a bit while finishing our dinner about how I can’t emphasize enough that I love him regardless of which gender he loves etc…

‘After dinner and after he finished his homework we both lay in our pajamas on the sofa, while I was watching the Cooking Channel and he was playing on his iPad. I had my arm around him and he was leaning his head on my chest, and all I could think of was that I’m the happiest father on earth right now.

‘Thank you all so much for your feedback and suggestions on the last post. All of you are so kind on this subreddit, so many of you sent me PM’s explaining how I was a super dad and it honestly brightened my day.

‘For those curious as to what I will be doing next, I’ve already started doing some research in LGBT Youth Communities and I think joining one would be a perfect start to helping my son develop into the person he has the potential to being.

‘Thank you all again…’

And that, folks, is how it’s done.

55 thoughts on “The Father Who Accidentally Discovers His Teenage Son Is Gay And How He Handled It

  1. Awww! This has to be one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read online. Couldn’t help shedding a tear. Believe me when I say I love my Dad but this Dad is a SUPER DAD.

  2. Awwwwwwwwwww! This is so sweet *wipes tear drops*!
    Being open minded is d best thing that is going to happen to any individual in this world! It sets you free! Nice one dad!
    I loved d tactics of using collective pronouns in his question. I do same whenever I call my fav radio station in Abj nd am talking about my personal relationship issues. I use terms like “person” nd “they”.

  3. I dunno.. But this seems a bit too hollywoodish… Im skeptical. You know the Internet and how people get to lie.

    If it’s true though.. Then that is one awesome dad.

    • I almost cried when I read this post.
      (But I did wonder whether the boy has no mother though,or other family members…like, only him and his father live in that house…James, do u think someone is just trying to teach parents how to accept and support their gay offspring,by using a wee bit of fiction?)

      • Or he could be divorced from the boy’s mom and they both share custody and at the moment the boy is with him!

        Isn’t that a possibility?

      • Muahahaha! I knew both of u would come for me! Maybe the boys mom and other relatives are dead…?
        It’s just odd cos I feel that if your son makes such a serious,life-changing revelation, no matter how much u hate d mother whom u’re divorced from,u can’t help but mention her somewhere in that conversation (“son,does mom know”?…”Dad,what do u think mom will say about this?” Etc) maybe he decided to leave out d part where he mentioned his ex-wife though…

    • Why do u think it cant happen in Naija? A lot of parents especially mothers knows that their sons are gay but chose to be silent on it. If you check well, you will even notice that those gay kids are their parents, favorites. If some Nigerian families can shield their sons who are into armed robbery, I’m sure there are families that can accept and support their gay kids.I have witnessed the dismissal of students caught in homosexual practice. I saw the support and love of family. The most recent was some months ago.

  4. Oh, yes it can. Teajsy.

    Tears pinched my eyes as I read. Hmm. “Mummy, Daddy, I..I..I’m…I’m coming.. I want to go and buy something.”

  5. Well this was tear inducing, but then again this is what a parent does; love unconditionally!

    I have always said there are many people who have no business being parents and are parents, which is why we have a lot of messed up people in the world today.

    • I tell you. I have heard of homophobic parents accepting their gay children after the found out. Of course they are disappointed at first but there still is acceptance. I guess it’s from that unconditional love.

  6. Me: Dad, Mum, am gay.
    I’ll surely wake up at Lagos University teaching hospital, ready to be bounded off to TB Joshua’s church with all the bandages, platsers and drips.

    This surely is a superdad. And a super son too. I felt emotional. Why can’t Africans think like this?

    • Lol. Naa. After your coming out, a soundtrack would pop in straight away. Sarah McLachlan’s Angel.

      “….In the arms of the angel…..”

    • I’m glad you asked why Africans can’t think that way..

      First of, the society prescribes what anyone should think. When the society accepts something, it soon becomes acceptable to the citizens/inhabitants of that society no matter how allien, weird, ridiculous etc such ideology may have been before then. So when the African society change their perception about things, individuals in the society will follow suit. Meanwhile, a huge Kudos to Daddy…

  7. I have seen this story before, yet reading it here again still hit me like it did the first time.
    It restores my faith in humanity. Its not all darkness and hopelessness out there, there is some light filtering in with promises of a better future. 😃

  8. I love this story. I wish I was in the boys shoes but seeing the comments makes me ask: “If I come out to my parents/family and they react in a way that some might term homophobic, does it mean that my parents don’t love or never loved me?”

    A lot of times I feel like we need to also see things from the perspective of our parents. They have been raised in a culture/religion that says homosexuality is wrong. I don’t think they learning their child is gay will automatically bring them joy still it doesn’t change the fact that they don’t love their child. I know my parents love me unconditionally. I also know that if I come out to them, they’d give me a hug and tell me “its gonna be alright.” They will probably send me to church for deliverance and if I keep insisting that I am born this way they might disown me (That is an extreme case though). Still, it won’t mean they don’t love me. They just don’t know any better

    *I don’t know if anyone understands the point I am trying to make*

  9. Kizito, it means that if I tell my dad that am gay, I’ll surely land in a hospital with some broken bones.
    If I tell my mum that am gay, I will surely end up in TB Joshua’s church for deliverance.

  10. Reading this piece gives me a lot of hope and courage….I wish I had a dad like dat…but wait…I’ve got a mum who i’m certainly sure is gonna be like dis man when I eventually come out……Kudos Super Dad….

    • #WORD….hehehe(but where will u find one of those?)
      U know, someone once said 70% of us here will give in to societal pressure and get married and have children eventually; sometimes I wonder how many of our dads here(whom we’re terrified of finding out our sexuality) are latent gays who were stifled and repressed by society…

  11. You know sometimes you wanna show us how smart you are but your fingers let us know how truly stupid you are!

    #RandomThoughts

  12. but the father is gay naw……that’s why he accepted the boy the way he did……that he has stopped fucking men doesn’t make him any straight.

  13. WOW OMG this dad is awesome… he is wonderful…somehow i wish i was in that boys shoes and not the one am in now….but anyway cone to think of it.. how many of you would actually want you children or relation to be gay

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