Let’s Discuss…about Wanting To Raise Children

Blog_Let's Discuss“Gay people want to benefit from an institution they insult.” – Comment from someone during the antigay law brouhaha. The thread was discussing letting same-sex couples raise kids.

Most people are all for the rights of sexual minorities but draw the line at same-sex couples raising kids, for various reasons ranging from fear that kids of gay parents would turn out gay to fear of sexual abuse.

Considering that same-sex couples cannot reproduce between themselves without third party assistance, or adoption, is raising children necessary for same-sex couples? What about the Venn diagram complexity of the setup – child raised by two daddies, only one of whom is the biological father while the biological mother lives somewhere downtown, perhaps with her own husband/wife… Should gay people bother with all these, or are we trying to prove a point to mainstream heteronormative society that we can raise a traditional family just like anybody else?

I know this is largely a Western civilization issue, seeing as the laws of most African countries aren’t even being tolerant to the admission of homosexuality, let alone same-sex marriage and gay parenting. But imagine you could get away, somehow, with living with your partner and wanting to raise kids, do you consider that your prerogative? And what reasons do you have for your opinion?

60 thoughts on “Let’s Discuss…about Wanting To Raise Children

  1. Me I definitely want kids oo. So if the opportunity presents itself am grabbing it with both hands

    It’s not trying to prove a point to anyone- can’t be bothered really- but the idea of someone (truthfully and honestly) calling me daddy and the idea of doing homework every evening and the mad rush to school the next morning just sounds all too appealing.

    If I end up being a single dad, atleast I have something tangible to live for, rather than swooning over the next best hot sausage

  2. The argument that parenting shouldn’t be available to same-sex couples for fear that the kids may turn gay is both amusing and insulting at the same time.

    So why didn’t the gay couple turn out straight in the first place? Were they not raised by straight parents?

    And the argument makes it look like the kids will all end up with a deformity or a kind of desease. Very insulting.

    Do I consider raising kids My prerogative? well, the same-sex couples of the west are doing there society a lot of service by adopting the kids abandoned but irresponsible heterosexual people. They should be thanked,not maligned for such services rendered.

    So if I decide to raise kids with my partner over there, I’ll be feeling like a philanthropists!

    • Exactly!
      That bit about children turning gay becos of gay parenting is just all sorts of ridiculous. Gay children come from heterosexual homes. And so, straight children can’t be reared in gay homes? I think we need to consider the validity of those claims that the gay demon exists among us and is fiercely strong and dominant. 🙂

  3. Of course same-sex couples should raise kids, if they want. Parenting is not about the genders of the caregivers but about their capabilities. You can either handle children or you can’t – fuck your genitals.

    About the complexities this poses to the conventional family setup: Puhleaze. Cultural ideas of family models have never been uniform nor static.

    • People forget that what makes heterosexual couples the bad parents some of them are is becos of their morals, characters, personalities – any of the afflictions that could befall any of the parents on both sides of the spectrum, gay or straight.

  4. Long before I started out acting on my ‘dick rider’ fantasies, I had always thot to adopt a child. I wonder if I’ll b able to really do so sha

    • Its a whole responsibility I’m not sure I cud ever b prepared for. I taught kids, n its one heckuva job hunnay. My hair grayed before 1wk was done

      • Trystham your fears are quite normal. NO ONE is ever prepared for it.

        My dad once said he too had similar fears, the fear of being able to be patient enough with children and to raise model citizens. But he then said that fear is almost similar to stage fright. Once you take the plunge and you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. Your protective instincts kicks in that very minute and you’re home bound. Fear is gone

  5. This is very funny! Just last night I was out with friends and we started arguing about gender roles and expectations and why we have different rules for our daughters.

    An Oxford Ph.D student (doing his research in the niger delta) then says

    “Its about protecting our girls, for example if I know my neighbor is gay, I won’t let my little son enter his apartment”

    Ofcourse I went ballistic and gave him a lecture about homosexuality and pedophilia being two different things. Ofcourse I did rub it in that I expected better from an oxford Ph.D student

    It’s silly assumptions like this that makes society resent gay people having kids.

    On a personal note I don’t want kids. I think parenting is a beautiful gift, but it’s just not my journey in life.

      • We both don’t want kids! There will be too many antiques in our house! We don’t want em broken

    • u took the words ryt outta my mouth.
      Personally am at the point where am not sure if i want kids.
      But i find that most pple (including gay guys) cringe in terror when u say u dont want kids.

      For all our progessiveness, some gay pple still have their heads stuck deep in their asses

  6. I think parenting has to do with being responsible for someone else, and has nothing to do with the sexuality of the parents or caregiver… I’ve been lucky enough to be a parent to 2 kids for one week….and its was a wonderful experience…. I love kids, and would definitely have some, same-sex couple or the other way round….

  7. Single parents are allowed to adopt but gay ppl aren’t on the grounds of child abuse or turn gay? Ok!(I will wait till I ve something nice to say)
    I love babies and can take care of them all by lone self (I help raised 4 of them). They are cute and all until they hit age 10 or close to meeting aunty puberty and all hell breaks loose. Am on the fence about the matter right now.
    Back to the matter. Ppl can’t wait to make things about themselves . We have unwanted kids all over the place thanks to ppl who never wanted kids to begin with. High case of child abuse is rampant, Because we have ppl who are unfit to be parents popping out babies like rabbits. We equally have ppl who are willing and ready to bring a soul to the world or give care to a child that was denied one and all the society could do is raise dumb excuses to discredit what come naturally to them. The moment we as a society realise there are things that are bigger than us and everything doesn’t evolve around its selfish views on how the world ought to operate, then and only then are we ready to move ahead as a unit. Until then we will just ve to live with this great divide

    • Peak I can kiss you right now!

      The reason why we have so many fucked up people in the world today is that people who have no business being parents were parents. If society stops stigmatizing those who don’t want kids, am sure there will be fewer but better parents!

      • *kisses Dennis* DM that is such an intelligent comment. Spot on.. Many people just become parents because of societal demands and not bcos they really need kids..

  8. Kids r a delight anytime anyday
    Bt jst wondering wat outlook d child would hv to some issues if he’s raised by 2 men
    Hw he’d stand n defend himself wen his peers throw mocking jokes @ him

    • If you remove the issue of people throwing jokes at him, if you make it normal for two men to raise kids and if you teach your kids that its normal, then the child won’t have anyone making jokes at him..

    • Nah, Paul. There are MANY kids in America from two-dad, two-mum homes and they are doing quite well amidst these challenges you mentioned – same way other kids cope with bullying, racism etc. No biggie. On the whole, kids with same-sex parents are living a fabulous life.

      You need to appreciate how very BACKWARD Nigeria is. *shudders in revulsion*

      • @Absalom and Max-yes all ur points r valid
        I dnt knw how to say ds witout sounding very demented but I’d try.
        Agreed not being raised by gay men automatically makes u gay n vice versa but would ds child not be inadvertently aversed to women seeing he isn’t having any ‘touch’ from a feminine side back in d home front?
        Some pple r gay cos its inate in dem, odas because of d environment dey grew up in and odas from abuse maybe.
        If u tk a look @ urself very well,some traits U have in ur everyday life spans from d home u came from,wat u grew up to accept,hw d people u grew up wit reasoned etc.
        I jst tink d child wuld b naturally inclined to trail “big daddy n small daddy’s” path.
        My logic maybe flawed on some aspects bt I hope u get my drift?

      • “Some pple r gay cos its inate in dem, odas because of d environment dey grew up in and odas from abuse maybe” ..

        Where are you from?? …I’m in a happy mood this morning, so pls don’t ruin it with your ridiculous thoughts..
        You can sense a child is gay from a very young age.. Most child molesters see the trait and that’s why they abuse the kids in the first place.. There are plenty guys who have been abused by older gay men and haven’t grown up to be gay… Most gay ppl I know have brothers, so that removes environment from it… Infact many men grow up in the same environment, how come some turn out to be gay and others are not?
        I expect those uninformed and myopic comments from a close minded homophobe, not from a gay…

      • I happen to know a close friend who is quite homophobic. Why? He was abused as a child by a gay uncle. To see your comments, Paul, you’d expect he’ll turn out to be gay.

  9. If I could go to a place where a two-dad family,with lovely kids and a beautiful house in a nice neighbourhood is accepted without raised eye-brows? Yes, I would want kids. The main issue for me would be finding a worthy person to fill in d (life-long) position of “Dad number-2”, cos these hoes ain’t loyal, and I wouldn’t know how to be a single-dad…

    • Lol @Chestnul! Chile u aint telling no lie! These cats be acting like they love you long time but stay creeping around. #Thesehoesaintloyal
      It would be nice to do that really! But finding the guy who shares the same value and aspiration as well as make you have that tingling feeling in All the places you never thought possiible? is like seaching for a lost coin in the desert

  10. Personally I don’t like kids the way I use to… Though they’re in my future plans… I dunno yet how its gonna happen but I never say never… If you ask me, they’re not really necessary, it’s just a matter of personal choice.. Most people don’t feel complete in their life if they’re not interacting with others and when they get the love they’ve been looking for, they eventually find out its not enough… So kids are a mere substitute to fill the void in the hearts of men(both hetero) and because people care so much about public image, they do what the society wants… If you ask me, most people are gonna want a kid, but aren’t interested in raising one because of the time and commitment it takes..
    Some use their kids as a clean slate to try and right the wrong they did in their own time or correct a past mistake..
    My opinion- Human population is already too much in the world.. I just don’t see people’s obsession with kids and the extreme measures some folks go to get one.. 200 yrs from Now, no one will remember you ever existed.. So the whole issue of lineage is all man made sh*t… Who among you here knows their great grand father???

  11. Well am not against gay couples appealing to train and parent an adopted kìd or kids,i see nothing wrong in it but honestly for me even when taken to any country where same sex marriage is allowed and welcomed i wont still marry a man, i will stick to my dreams, i have always dreamt of marrying a woman and starting my own family. So i will marry a beautiful woman,have kids with her and start a family with her. Am gay because i have sexual feelings for guys and won’t go too far of marrying a man.my opinion anyway

  12. Chloe, Remy, Siobhan, Roderic ….I already have dia name. Fuc want any1 says..ama get me a man and we gone raise four tough kids…**middle finger**

  13. We don’t all hv sole ownership to knowledge dats y ds is a discussion.
    Sometimes d way pple attack oda pple’s opinions u’d jst wonder if dey dreamt of d person d night b4.
    @max I’m happy u r on a good side n u find my point ridiculous -so I’d leave it @ dat
    U said-child molesters c d trait in d boy from a young age n den catch in on dat opportunity? I’m still shocked @ dat if U in all ur glory said ds. Bt what do I know?
    Pinky its not a law dt some1 molested wuld turn out gay. I didn’t state dat.I jst said if u hv taken time out to ask frends hw dis came about u’d find som pple pointin to d point @ wich dey were abused
    Let’s all b critical so we can gain a tin or two.
    I’m here to learn,I dnt knw abt u.
    Some1 asked of Gad,I tink d young man got tayad of d harsh remarks n tot to lay low.
    We all criticized Chizzie bt we often do d same tin.
    Anywayz sha,mk I rest n prepare for d stones wey dey come.

  14. complex issue. i could write an entire article about this. Parenting and child rearing is something i take very seriously. The surest way to propagate ideas is to implant it i a child. If you want to speak to the future, a future that will become the present long after you are gone, engraft your ideas into a growing child. Mentor, influence and you can make that child have a great life. But this can only be achieved by persons who by nature are NURTURERS and are gifted with the common sense that this task requires.
    It it okay for gay parents to raise children? Of course it is! Like absalom said, you can either handle children or you cant…fuck your genitals. However, there is a downside to this we must consider. The world, even in apparently more civil climes is not totally accepting of homosexuality. The word “fag” is still considered an insult. Therefore, a child being raised in such an environment would have to contend with potential stigmatization and bullying from peers on account of the sexuality of his/her parents. If anyone intends to be a gay parent, then you must be reader to thoroughly fortify this child from the cradle and prepare him/her for problems he/she may face. If this is done effectively, having gay parents can become an advantage because it forces the parents to teach the child how to be independent minded and live your life in peace in spite of what people say. Now that is one ability that virtually every person i know LACKS. We are more often that not DETERMINED by societal expectations. If as a gay couple, you are not ready to do the extra work required, biko dont even consider it. children are not like cute doll you pick up at a mall for sentimental reasons. That little cute 3kg of pink crying flesh is a PERSON and could end up being a nelson mandela or a hitler. Therefore, raising a kid is no joke.
    Personally, i love kids. And i intend to have a LARGE family of at least 10 children, two of which will be biological. My reasons are several. I have mentioned some here already. Too many kids are homeless. Would be glad if i can help. And for as long as i am alive, i will have children in my house…so help me God.
    That said, i dont judge people who dont want kids. It is perfectly okay. Doesnt matter if you are gay or straight. You will not take good care of something YOU DONT WANT. We have enough damaged people on the planet already.
    For those who think the kid of gay parents are more likely to be gay, hope you know that almost every gay person on the planet right now was raised by heterosexual parents in a society that claims to be largely hetrerosexual. why didnt that stop them from being gay? and really, i would like to see a world where half the couples are gay and half the couples are straight, and lets see how the children would turn out…

  15. My take is that anyone could be a parent, gay or not gay. The most important thing is being ready and responsible for it. Better be on your own than going to procreate or adopt kids you cannot take care of. Ka chi foonu

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