JUST THAT ONE TIME

gay_couple_in_bedThere was this guy that had been bugging me for sex for years, Dotun, and I had been turning him down every time. I just didn’t see it happening. We met on Facebook. He was attractive alright, a model even. But I found him rather slow upstairs. I am a stickler for wit and intelligent conversations, so I felt he’d have nothing to offer.

I graduated from the University and moved back to Calabar. He was still on my case, with hope that I’d move to Lagos and give him a good fucking. I laughed at his delusion. We still hadn’t met.

I was posted to Taraba for my NYSC. I started the service there, but my parents would have none of it. They had me moved without my consent to Lagos. Dotun was happy. He begged to meet me and I kept posting him.

A year and a half afterwards, I’d secured a job and moved to my own apartment. His persistence wore me the hell out, and so I invited him over. We talked, or rather, he talked and I listened. I was bored, but I did find him immensely attractive. Night had fallen, and there was no light. The room was hot, so I told him to take his clothes off. He did so; I could tell he was a little shy, which i found odd, because as a model, shouldn’t taking clothes off at the drop of a hat be part of the job description? His clothes came off, and he laid back on the bed and we were silent for about three minutes. The longest three minutes ever. Continue reading

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 19)

Blog_Love And Sex In The City“Who is Paschal smashing so vigorously like that abeg?” Ekene said with a giggle as he moved from the kitchen, through the connecting doorway, into the living room, where the rest of us were sprawled in various positions of relaxation on Biola’s carpeted floor and sofas. Muted coital sounds were floating out to us through the small corridor, from the guestroom at the end of the hallway.

“As in eh,” Adebola exclaimed, coming up behind Ekene. The two of them came bearing items of food we’d be having for brunch. “Since we came here, they’ve been cooped up inside there. Abeg, Biola, since when did your house turn into a brothel?”

“My dear, I have no idea o,” Biola said, as he stood before the television and flicked through DSTV stations. “Dude came to me yesterday evening with his squeeze, some young thing he invited from UniBen, and begged me to let the boy crash here for the night.”

“And you agreed?” I said with a mock-gasp. “Since when did you start becoming so charitable?” It is an understanding amongst us that Biola is just not the type of friend that will discommode himself over someone else’s convenience. He’s just not wired to be a Good Samaritan. Continue reading

The Gay Divide

20141011_LDP001_0Originally published on economist.com

There was a teenager in Arizona in the 1970s who “could no more imagine longing to touch a woman than longing to touch a toaster”. But he convinced himself that he was not gay. Longing to be “normal”, he blamed his obsession with muscular men on envy of their good looks. It was not until he was 25 that he admitted the truth to himself—let alone other people. In 1996, he wrote a cover leader for The Economist in favour of same-sex marriage. He never thought it would happen during his lifetime. Yet now he is married to the man he loves and living in a Virginia suburb where few think this odd.

The change in attitudes to homosexuality in many countries—not just the West but also Latin America, China and other places—is one of the wonders of the world. Recently, America’s Supreme Court gave gay marriage another big boost, by rejecting several challenges to it; most Americans already live in states where gays can wed. But five countries still execute gay people: Iran hangs them; Saudi Arabia stones them. Gay sex is illegal in 78 countries, and a few have recently passed laws that make gay life even grimmer. The gay divide is one of the world’s widest. What caused it? And will tolerance eventually spread? Continue reading

That Piece About Love And The LGBT Community

Remember that Christian pastor that spoke of his unconditional love for his children, one which would not change even if they came out of the closet to him? Well, I was recently perusing his Twitter timeline, and I happened on a link that took me to a post on this blog, the one you’ll read below. He titled it ‘Distorted Love: The Toll Of Our Christian Theology On The LGBT Community.’ When I read that piece, I thought immediately about one person, a good friend of mine, Sensei. Sensei is very passionate about love amongst humanity, no matter the race, religion, culture or belief.

And it would seem Pastor John Pavlovitz agrees with him. Read below.

*

sadgirlLove doesn’t always look like love.

When I published this blog post [Note: The blog post about his love for his children] two weeks ago, I was prepared for some people to applaud it, and for others to condemn it. That’s what happens whenever you put an opinion out there.

I was fully prepared for the waves of both support and hostility that accompany any vantage point on anything, especially a controversial topic like Sexuality.

What I was not prepared for in any way, were the literally hundreds and hundreds of people who have reached out to me personally, to thank me for bringing some healing and hope to their families. Parents, children, siblings, and adults have confided in me (some for the first time anywhere), telling of the pain, and bullying, and shunning they’re received from churches, pastors, and church members; from professed followers of Jesus.

Scores of people from all over the world have shared with me their devastating stories of exclusion and isolation, of unanswered prayers to change, of destructive conversion therapies, of repeated suicide attempts, and of being actively and passively driven from faith, by people of faith. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 18)

Blog_KD JournalOctober 24

So Lexi is here. Whoop, whoop! It’s been awesome having him here. The gossip, the name calling, the dancing, everything has just been great. When I told a friend that I was having a friend over for the weekend, he asked why it would be so much fun if sex won’t be involved. I was irritated by that comment. But oh well…

Lexi and I were watching Orange Is The New Black, and its quite funny. Oyibo prison sef *rolls eyes to China* We got introduced to the transgender guy, and Lexi came face to face with feeling uncomfortable with the way someone can make the decision to live his life in his own terms, however unpopular that lifestyle may be. Lexi didn’t see why a man would want to become a woman. And it irritated him. And then, he realised that that’s how straight fellows must see being gay to be. But he did however try to understand. Which is the most we can say, since some of us feel like our opinions are final, and if you are of a different mindset, then you are on the wrong track. Continue reading

AND THEN HE SAID TO ME…

singles 2We went to the same university, my paternal cousin and I. He was a couple of classes ahead of me, older, of course, than me, and treated me with the avuncular affection of a big brother to a younger one. He always gave me money and provisions whenever mine had depleted, and frequently asked me over to his place for sleepovers. He is tall, dark and handsome, and there were moments then, when I nursed a crush on him.

He graduated from school before me, and it wasn’t long before he relocated to the UK to further his studies. We kept in touch, and he continued to look out for me. A year or two after he left Nigeria, he apparently found his calling as a clergyman, and was soon ordained an Anglican priest.

For some illogical reason, I felt as though he had betrayed me.

This was around the period I’d just started getting disillusioned with my faith and the church. I had battled for so long to accept my sexuality, only to suddenly find myself facing the self-righteous indignation of the church. Disapprobation against homosexuality were starting to salt the teachings in my church, with priest after white-garmented priest standing at the altar and shaking his fist in condemnation of the ‘sin’ of man sleeping with his fellow man, and woman sleeping with her fellow woman. I refused to feel guilty about my desires. I refused to be torn up over my libidinous choices. And so, when it came down to a choice of the church and my sexuality, I found myself resenting the compulsory Sunday morning routines and sulking in the face of the crucifix that frowned down at me from the pulpit with sorrow-faced patronization.  Continue reading

High court in Nigeria tosses lawsuit challenging anti-gay law

nigeria-demo-for-campaign-page_originalThe Federal High Court of Nigeria has dismissed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the Same-Sex Marriage (Prohibition) Act 2013, contending that the plaintiff did not have legal standing because he is straight and not harmed by the law.

Human rights activists said that the ruling, while disappointing, actually opens the door for a new legal action against the anti-gay law. Nigeria, one of the world’s most populous nations, is also one of the worst places on Earth for LGBT rights.

Teriah Joseph Ebah, 42, a straight Nigerian who has lived in the UK for more than a decade and has a wife and children, sued the Nigerian government after the strict anti-gay law was signed into law. Ebah and his attorney argued that the law is discriminatory and criminalizes all things gay and punishes ordinary people who do not report the gays.

Oh well, they tried. Hopefully, there’ll come forward a plaintiff (you, him, her and me) who has the appropriate legal standing to challenge the law.

LIFE AS HE KNOWS (Chapter 6)

Blog_Life As He Knows ItDele stared with disbelief at the newcomer. He had almost choked on his beer when their eyes met. What the fuck was Tunde doing here?

“Hey, Tunde!” hollered Kola when he spotted his colleague and bustled over to hug him. “Aww, you shouldn’t have,” he said as Tunde, with a shaky smile, handed him the card and bottle of wine. He was still rattled by the sight of Dele on the other side of the room.

“Oh good, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Kola suddenly burst out before shepherding Tunde toward where Dele stood.

Dele watched as the two men approached. He wasn’t sure how to react. He wanted to remain stony and maybe a bit cold, but he also just wanted to pull Tunde in a fierce hug. Since he deleted him online, he had missed him terribly, but his pride had been too hurt for him to reconnect with him. Tunde calling him a fag were words that stung him more than usual, because they came from someone he was falling for, and he had reflexively retreated into his shell.

Kola began once they came close to Dele. “Tunde, meet my brother –”

“Dele,” Tunde said.

“Tunde,” Dele replied a bit curtly. His eyes searched Tunde’s face for something. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something nonetheless. Continue reading