karma_purple3There are those days when everything just goes south and you have a very shitty day. But just when you think it’s the worst day possible, something happens that makes you smile that evil grin. I had one of those days recently, but before I tell you the story, please journey with me down memory lane.

I was posted to Rivers State for my NYSC (scratch that, I got myself posted to Rivers State), and I was in for a fun year. I was young and I wanted to explore the “deep, round riches” of the Garden City. There was this weekend someone buzzed me on Badoo, I looked up his profile and he was this cute, young guy. I responded, we took it to BBM, and four hours later, I was in a cab going to his uncle’s house where he was staying. (Shut up, don’t judge me)

We had the best night ever (or so I thought); we went out for drinks, came home drunk and horny, and then we did the nasty over and over. In the morning, it was great waking up to entwined arms and the feeling of satiation, and I reluctantly got up to get dressed and leave. An hour later, I got home, sank into bed and retrieved my Blackberry to ping him.

“Thanks for a good time,” I pinged. My message didn’t deliver. Alas, he was no longer on my BBM. Bitch had deleted me! I did not have his number, seeing as we went from Badoo to BBM. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck, not because I was really into him, but because the rejection really stung. I swallowed it and forgot about him, but not before making a quick supplication to my very dear goddess of karma to strike back.

Fast forward five years (2014), just a few weeks ago, I came to work in the morning and I was instructed to get to the head office in Lagos to pick up something. I was peeved because sometimes they tell you it’s a one-day trip and you end up staying more than a day. My company treats single people like puppets that they can pull and dump at will.

I got to Lagos that morning and passed some people wearing suits at the reception, sitting uncomfortably (clearly people who had come for an interview). I went to the cold storage, picked up what I came for and made a dash for the stairs, when the head of HR stopped me. They were having interviews and she needed one more person to make the panel odd-numbered, and she said she would like someone not high up the ladder. I agreed after she promised that I would leave that day.

I got into the interview room and took a seat. And we got started.

And then, the door opened to admit the sixth person. Lo and behold, it was the guy from 2009 who I fucked, and who deleted me afterwards. Karma must have thought the day was my birthday, because this was indeed a pleasant surprise. When he saw me in the panel, he looked like he’d seen a ghost, but I kept my cool as I fired questions away at him during the interview. At a point, I was the only one interviewing him while the others just watched me, probably wondering where the passion was coming from.

A small voice said to me: “Make sure he fails, that way you can teach him a lesson.” But before I could decide what to do, another voice said: “If you are his supervisor, you can torment him to your heart’s content.” So I went with the second voice. I even scored him high in the interview. Shortly before leaving Lagos, I pulled a few strings to ensure he would be posted to Port Harcourt in the event that he makes it through.

I later got confirmation that he was successful and that he is to resume in PHC as an intern, directly under my supervision for six months. I will grade his log books and I will score his appraisals. This will be a very long stretch of six months for him.

The drama has just started, I will keep you all updated.

*loud evil laughter in the dark*

Written by Dennis Macaulay

87 thoughts on “KARMA 2.0

  1. Wrong Title…. It should have been Karma 4.4.2 Kitkat…. I had same experience and boi was it awkward.. It was beyond that. Like we Modern Yoruba will say”Olorun atijo lo npe ko to mu ni, Olorun asiko yi kia kia ni” English -“The Godof the Old era takes time before catching up with you, but the God of this Era.. The guy na sharp sharp God”.

  2. Lmao!! O’boy I’ll just resign before starting work.. I can imagine what u’ll put him through..

    Dennis biko do u hv Karma’s pin? Pls share with a Bruh.

  3. Mr Dennis,.. plz leave the young man alone. Don’t take up the role, u were not assigned. He has his reasons for what he did.. me would simply ask for his reason. Obviously he moved on likewise u.. be grateful for tht. Cus u met Mrs Macauley.

  4. Wow!!!

    *on my knees*

    Dede Karma, AdaNmiri, OyoyoAgbara, AgbaraNwanyioma, Idemili…please bluetooth me ya contact details; I can do more with the opportunity than Nwanne’m DM would *batting lashes @ DM*…thanks for your anticipated swift response.


      • DM, did I lie? My Brother, do all that needs to be done garnished with professionalism…all na part of the job experience noni; and experience, they say, is the best teacher.


  5. LMAO
    How many times did I call you?
    Repent oo! You maleficient man. 😀 🙂

    But wait oo!
    I really need Karma’s hotline for immediate response.
    Cos the retribution I’m planning doesn’t need 5 years to mature.
    It needs immediate execution.
    And I hope she can multitask well well.
    She has to simultaneously deal with some people for me.

  6. This is going to be a really cool series to follow.
    DM, we await salacious details.

    Make lé boi thoroughly enjoy his internship. After all, its supposed to be a learning phase.

    The life lessons he will pick up will be etched prominently in his mind forever.

    Karma us sweet jare. Jst serve it nicely.

  7. Dear Dennis, I don’t presume to know why he deleted you, he alone knows why. However I would like you to consider that he may have deleted you not out of malice but rather of guilt at indulging in something he wants but has been made to believe is wrong. It is like the battle between flesh and spirite. He gives in to the overwhelming natural need but then feels remorse afterwards for doing a ‘bad’ deed. Part of his atonement would then be turning away from wrongdoing which would inclue the person he did the act with.
    Just consider this in your future dealings with him.
    All the best…

    • LOL.
      Dimkpa, you’re trying to reason with Dennis when his arsenal is already fully equiped and ready to deploy.
      Good luck with that.
      I doubt if even Mrs Macaulay would be able to steer him off the war-path.

      • OK so even if SHE can’t am sure GOD can…. abi Dennis or NOT EVEN GOD would SOFTEN that precious heart of yours to totally forgive him and EVEN help him out in doing his job SO well that even he would wonder if YOU Dennis is a mere man….or a God!!

  8. Woooooow!! Dennis you mean you could not satisfy SOMEONE!???? Woooow!! This guy’s no i must get! Lol!!! How bad WAS the sex that deletions happened in split seconds!!!

    • Kai, that couldn’t have been d reason jhor…..didn’t u hear Dennis….. They did it over and over.. U can like to be feeling like Topzilla abi……if I catch you ehn you go talk true.

      • Haba na wetin I see na! And it looks like Dats why Dennis is seeing it as karma coming back if not he would been curious to just find out why?

  9. Dennis, nwanem nwoke, pls don’t do anytin to dat boy o! Its been 4 years…*in Elsa’s voice from ‘Frozen’* “Let it goooooo…” Lol. Thank God u didn’t make him lose d job…anyway,I know u’re really a sweetheart inside,and u will forget abt his foolishness…(Or wisdom…I dunno; he had reasons for what he did back then…)

    • Sweetheart you say?

      There are two sides to me darling! Y’all have only seen the sweet side. There is another side! Ask Pinky, he knows

      • Awwwww common Dennis biko temper justice with mercy now haba! Also don’t forget that He Has seen YOUR GLASS HOUSE…..so let stones not be thrown abeg oooo!!

      • Brotherly@dennis forget all these churchie talk! Take ur sweet time, no rush the matter at all, make it a slow and painful experience. Sisi karma gave u 6months instead of five, make every month seem like a year of frustration overload. karma gave u one month extra as a bonus (one year extra).
        Y’all singing 2face’s “Forgive and forget, do you know the emotional trauma that comes with ppl drop-kicking ur ass without so much as a Goodbye handshake??? Abeg miss me with that FnF bull

      • Shuo! Am shocked to say the least…..spewing hatred and vengeance isn’t good oooo! Abeg ooo Dennis..hmmm and don’t say we didn’t give our 1cent in this!!!

  10. Haha nd he might not even delet u….av had cases like dhat like d maybe network or just dnt knw….or prehaps he lost his fone…..cuz its tops dhat i knw dhat do such deleting……*btms av a soft nd tender heart*

    • Deleting people is not restricted to tops. It’s a demand and supply thing. If you have more or better options you won’t be tender/invested. Be careful of stereotypes, especially subliminal ones. If you expect someone to be rough or rude towards you, then you wont be able to observe them with a clear head and perceptive mind.

      • Sometimes d best way not to punish myself is to break away from somtin I knw I cn neva have and dat sometimes warrants me breakin away all ties.
        Trust me dude may hv done it painfully
        Bt wat do I know?
        Anywayz I like amebor
        So let d story n series begin

  11. Let go?

    *sarcastic laugh*

    You people don’t know this man Dennis. If you checked the dictionary for the word VINDICTIVE, you will see a picture of him beside it smiling in his underwear.

    I pity this intern, because I know what’s coming to him.

  12. Maybe the guy just did not like you and didn’t know how to tell you. Happens all the time. It’s better than having your pings ignored or receiving attitude.

    I’d rather you don’t acknowledge, in any way, the past you two had; last thing you want is your colleagues catching on to a “strange vibe” between you two or – worse – the guy getting it into his head that you’re after him. You knew him for just 24 hours, not long enough to assess his character; if it turns out he’s capable of what that other guy did to you in the office, two near-kito cases on your resume won’t look too good, talk less of you supervising anybody else in the future. #OkBye #SermonOver. #EnjoyYourIntern #StopPhotographingCakes

    • Near Kito story you say?

      I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me! We have never met before! That is my story and I am keeping it that way!

      Photographing cakes is therapeutic! You should try it

    • Wow!!
      Who are you really, Absalom?

      Dennis should just strap you to his mind.
      You will be as good as his conscience or even better.
      You just made all the right points

  13. Its been long I laughed this HARD. TBH, that guy was probably horny in da moment and needed a quick fuck with no strings attached. But I know it does not justify his actions. But seeking revenge might just make you look like the hurt one, and you def don’t want that. So I lyk your plan of not being lenient with him. Fair and justified.

  14. @all the sanctimonious ‘forgive and forget’ crew members … bitches puhleeeezzeeee!!! dropping someone like that is a huge blow to self esteem and confidence. Dennis hun, revenge is a dish best served stone cold …. heat the knife tilll its sizzling red-hot and then stick it to him slowly, twisting it gently as it goes in … all the time with a huge plastic innocent, wide eyed smile on your face …
    #teamkarma# yelzzz

    • Khaleesi, I wouldn’t mind planting a cold kiss to drown out the anguish groan of pain while the knife slowly slides in all the way to its stealth

      Haaaaa!!!!!! Karma is one helleva bitch
      *sing* Aliicia keys Karma song
      “What goes around. Comes around
      What goes up must come down………..its called karma baby and it comes around

  15. Well…my man mr Dennis just forgive and forget about d shit d guy committed and dont give him any face or do as if u’ve known him before….just so it wont look like anyone is trying to throw a stone on each others glass house…*winks*

  16. This revenge plan could really just go south. Dennis might have had some hidden feelings that just might surface in about two months and we’d be discussing a terrible home wreck. # direct supervisor.
    Mrs M pls meet khaleesi for evil ideas incase that ever happens.
    * ok i have said too much*

  17. Lol …. I love karma and I also try my best not to get in her file … I recently filed a case to our dear mrs karma and I’m sure she will do justice to it .. It might take long but I know I will eventually get a VIP invitation just Like Dennis to witness the drama unfold ***laughs in maleficent tone*** … Gbam!!

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