How To Be Better At Topping

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For formality’s’ sake, a top is the partner doing the penetration during anal sex – this label is limited explicitly to sexual roles and says nothing about perceived masculinity or dominance in bed. Gay men usually seek to define their sexual role with labels like top, bottom and versatile to indicate their inclinations when it comes to penetration. With that out the way, here are some tips on becoming better at topping.

Relax and Arouse your partner

There’s a lot more to sex then just putting your penis in and humping until the point of orgasm, there’s a certain finesse that comes with being a good top. The first priority should always be getting your partner aroused and relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Pay attention to his body language, if your partner is nervous and tense, the overall experience might be less than rewarding. Stay above the belt and consider kissing and lighting touching or licking erogenous zones on his body.

Stimulating the neck sends signals to the circulatory system stimulating blood flow and excitement, so try lightly kissing and stroking the nape of the neck, the back of the neck or the ears. The most popular zone for most men is the chest, particularly – the nipples. However, some men might have ultra sensitive nipples while others might not enjoy having their nipples played with, go slow and listen to his body, and if you don’t know his opinion on nipple play, ask him.

Go below the belt

The sensitive soft skin of the scrotum is packed with nerve endings, holding, cupping and gently rubbing the scrotum can be a very sensual experience for most men. The inner thighs are another gold mine, but this region can take more pressure – some massaging, nail tracing or kissing can get your partner’s leg giving way.

Non-penetrative anal play, such as rimming, is enjoyed by some men, but talk to your partner before and ensure that necessary preparations have been taken to clean the area. Rimming is the stimulation of the anus with the mouth and tongue; the practice poses a low risk for HIV transmission but still requires protection with a dental dam to prevent the spread of bacterial infections. Doggie Style is one of the best positions for rimming, with the anus being more accessible. Begin by gently kissing and fondling the area around the anus including the perineum (that area of skin between the genitals and the anus). Work your way in to the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area. You can suck and nibble the anus directly before going in to insert your tongue into the outer section of the anus.

Take it easy when you’re ready to start, the worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Ensure your penis as well as your partner’s anus is properly lubricated, stick to water-based lubricants which are safe for condoms – and no, lotion or Vaseline is not a safe alternative. If your partner is interested in being fingered, this is a good way to prepare the anus for entry, just ensure that your nails are short and clean.

To start, slowly slide your penis in and let the bottom control the initial experience. Listen to his body and let him guide your penis in deeper. Slow passionate grinding is much more practical than the drastic in-and-out stabs porn stars portray (most while under the influence of TONS of drugs and numbing creams).

Vary the speed and tempo, and switch up positions once your partner warms up to your penis. The most comfortable positions for bottoms is on their stomach – the underrated missionary position. But move around and see what works best in pleasuring your bottom. For those more well endowed, balls deep is again much more appealing in hardcore porn than in real life application. When it’s time for climax, don’t be selfish, make your partner enjoy an orgasm too. Try giving him a hand-job or touch and kiss his body while he masturbates if he takes a bit longer than you to come.

Most importantly

Play safe. Everybody is responsible for their own health as well as their partner’s when the decision is made to come together as one in artful coitus. Always negotiate safer sex practices and get tested regularly, at least twice a year.

62 thoughts on “How To Be Better At Topping

  1. How do u deal with bottoms that just need to be hit ASAP, they seldom want those foreplays

    How to be better at bottoming coming right?

  2. The cleaning part is very important, but not always possible. Some just come back from work and wanna hit.. some early morning too b4 leaving the bed.. so if u see, some dolies,while smashing, imagine it as lub lol.. choi nasty

    • But I thought everyone takes a shower right b4 and right after having sex,no? Or is dat just me? That’s actually d only way I can really enjoy sex and “give” my best…because my tongue likes to go places…#OkBye

      • The problem many bottoms have is that they don’t have the right instrument to clean up with. Personally is always say every power bottom should get Enema, tops that like to feast on strawberry tarts will always like to go down there cos you will be clean. For those who think they don’t know what it is, it is like the dropper used in sec. school chemistry for indicators, only bigger. It works like magic

  3. The problem with rimming is the cleanliness factor. Some bottoms don’t even bother to keep down there very nice and clean….it’s annoying!

    I enjoy rimming, but the minute I spread open the cakes and get a rancid smell….I’m out!!!

    But great write-up!

  4. A bottom should always be ready and prepared for sex.
    Cleaning up is not just something that happens immediately before the sex. It’s got to start a long way before you get to that point.

  5. Hmnm this write-up spells of the ideal situation however there has been occasions where the bottoms’ REQUEST is to be hit HARD and FAST!

    Now of course there are some who also don’t ever want the sex romp TO END (in fact ave been in a room where they were going for almost 45 mins) and I was aghast that even after they had finished the round….the well spent and lavished bottom asked for another one only after resting for just 10 mins…..

    ah af sed Tu mush again ooooo! Ha!

  6. Uh, Pinky, aren’t there more interesting sex-tip articles on the internet than this…nursery rhyme? You should have just asked me! 😛

  7. Bottoms should make it a part of them to clean-up @ pre and post sexperience. I’ve cultivated that as a great part of me…; and did I state that it even gives me more confident as a bottom when I’m sure clean?
    I love amazing foreplays a lot (both giving and given to moi)…the whole session has to be long enough to satiate my inner desire of the dude(s) with me; even with subsequent rounds and sessions.


  8. Key to good sex? Awesome communication between partners… Not necessarily words. Moans.. Guiding of the hands.. Stuff like that.

  9. This is one of the reasons I have never had penetrative sex. Most tops I’ve met are just interested in bang-and-leave session, always expecting me to do all the foreplay and shii and that really scares me so I just run. Tops that have ears let them hear ooooo!!!

  10. Amen!!! To all this! One of my lil sayings is ‘if you rim me you own me & can pretty much do with me as you wish’ … for the hygienically challenged bottoms, ‘bitches what the hell are u thinking! !” ..
    I once ran into this top, he simply stripped and was like ‘turn over’ … he went on ‘I dont kiss or rim or suck, I just fuck’
    My response #BBMSARCASTICFACE# ‘ok, the bathroom is over there, there’s lots of soap and running water, please don’t make a mess and when you’re done, the door is to your right – GET OUT!!’

  11. Lemme say that many tops are no better at cleanliness. You go down on a guy and his boxers are smelly and his dick tastes of dried piss and you wanna lick his balls and they smell like they’ve been toasted in sweat and poop shavings. Real nasty. How can i want to deep throat that. There is no greater turn off for me.
    I like to suck, lick balls and rim my tops so i like to take them for a shower to get them ready and course get a little action in the bathroom. So hot.

    • Brian dear r u sure you’re not doing the nasty with our lovely “agberos” all over lagos…..hmmm na question I ask ooo

      • King dearie, it actually is a fantasy to get me some tout action. Wouldn’t mind an introduction, all i need to do is get me some scouring powder and iron sponge to take care of the rough edges, then soak him in a jasmine scented bubble bath for the finishing.
        # getting my tout clean

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