Trust is a huge issue in any relationship, straight or gay, romantic or platonic. Trust is everything. Love may be a key ingredient in a relationship, but it still doesn’t bear as much import as Trust does.
That said, what you’re about to read below is a piece Sensei sent to me about a part of his past, and a relationship he had where the issue of Trust played a part in it. Check on it.
I believe I’m a simple, straightforward, honest guy. When I’m in an exclusive relationship, I’m focused and I stay faithful. Whether it makes me special or not isn’t the issue here. Perhaps I was wired to be that way, I don’t know. But I have learnt not to judge people who are different from me. It is their life and they are entitled to live as they please.
I have had a few relationships and some were quite dramatic and ended before they even started. Even though I know my boundaries and stay faithful to my partner, sometimes nothing can remove that psychological rat of suspicion that persistently nibbles at one’s trust of a partner.
“Is he cheating on me?” “Who has he been chatting with since morning?” “Biko, this his chat is getting too long” “Boo is smiling too much. Who could this caller be?” When plagued with these kinds of questions and speculations, a person can be pushed and forced to convert themselves into what I will call a “monitoring spirit”. Of the various kinds of monitoring I know of and have experienced, one has cost me a relationship. I’m talking about the act of perusing your partner’s phone to make sure he isn’t cheating.
I had just married a new ‘wife’ (fresh relationship) and all was going well. One day, a friend buzzed me on BBM and sent me a pin. He asked if I was familiar with the pin, and I’m not very good with numbers and codes or anything that’s a combination of numbers and alphabets. But I could recognize my boo’s pin anywhere I saw it. I told him it was my boyfriend’s pin.
“Really? No wonder,” he replied, and then he asked me not to worry.
But I couldn’t just let it go. “How did you get my bf’s pin?” I persisted.
Soon the story unraveled. It happened that boo had gone through my phone, added this friend of mine and was “using style” to quiz him, asking about his location and other stuff, and trying to determine the extent of his relationship with me. I confronted my bf and he reacted like a wounded lion. He cussed, screamed and abused me and my friend. Of course he denied it all. What made it annoying is it had never crossed my mind to have anything sexual or romantic with the dude. He was just a friend and nothing more. To cut a long story short, barely two months later, and me and boo were done.
Back to me, there you have it. There are many questions one can ask concerning this, many sides to this issue. Like: Is it ever right to snoop through your partner’s phone and social media accounts? What if he has a predilection for cheating, does that make it okay for you to be a snoop? Is love enough? Should love stay blind? Do you need to know? Should there be communication or is it better to let your doubts perish in the silence of your mind? Questions, questions… So, let’s discuss it all, about Trust, and the extent one ought to go to make or mar it in a relationship.