Originally published in alden-tan.com
I was having a conversation with a gay friend of mine sometime back. What I said surprised him.
I told him that I was very okay with a gay guy hitting on me. I told him about the time I followed some friends to a gay bar and there was this older, gay dude hitting on me. He was literally feeling me up. Not all over. No vital parts, but definitely considered too close for comfort to most.
And I was cool with that.
Then I said that I would however be extremely weirded out if a straight dude did the same to me for whatever reason. Maybe he lost a bet, was drunk or that he thought it was a dismissible act of bromance.
This shocked my friend. He said most straight guys wouldn’t feel the same and that I had a high tolerance for gay people.
I understand. Conventionally, if a person is homophobic, he is homophobic. Being somebody who lacks empathy aside, he simply cannot tolerate the idea of another male getting too close to him, especially if it’s physical.
But this is how I see it:
If a gay person fancies me, hits on me and even gets physically close, I take it as flattery. I take it as you think I’m good looking, I’m hot and that I’ve an awesome personality that appeals to both guys and girls.
Even if somebody you hate gives you attention by annoying you, it’s still flattery as he sees the need to take out his insecurities on you. That means to say, he looks up to you. Whoever denies this truth is simply lying to himself.
Also, if a gay guy hits on me, I take it as you behaving normal and I respect that.
If however, a straight guy acts gay, or carries out typical gay actions around and/or on me, it is not normal, and it’s weird.
I repeat. When your own friends aren’t themselves for whatever reason, it is weird. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if it’s a joke, the weirdness is highly amplified because it is out of character and what’s more, if he is homophobic in the first place.
But relax, this isn’t a serious issue, so to speak. I’m not talking about bromance in the locker room or war veterans who say they love each other. I’m referring more to typical guys who like hang out at bars or clubs and then act weird.
And it is these same guys who are always complaining about how they can’t get a girl, always gossiping and bitching about everything, are too homophobic to address real issues, and then call guys like me the weird ones instead.
So why do I prefer to hang out with gay people? Here we go. I apologize in advance if I go overboard with some stereotypes.
There’s too much testosterone in a room filled with straight dudes. Not in the scientific sense of course. To put it bluntly, when a group of straight dudes get together, there’s always an excessive need to overcompensate for one’s lack of “manliness.” This is when straight guys are always talking about girls, referring to them as pussies and thinking that life is all about getting laid, which is super ironic because these guys can’t get girls for shit. And then they call these girls bitches, sluts or whores because they got rejected.
So as such, with more testosterone in the room, the amount of sensitivity and respect for people diminishes. It can be pretty depressing to be in earshot of hypocritical, selfish conversations where a reasonable point of view and a third-party perspective never see the light of the day.
Gay friends listen. They listen. They listen to what you have to say, especially if you’re in need of help. They’re more sensitive to your plight and are willing to give an objective point of view. I’m not ever afraid to talk to my gay friends about deep, personal issues I have because I know they won’t judge me. I don’t talk about them to most straight friends, because even a curt reply like “Lol” annoys me.
Yes. I’m sensitive too. Straight people can be sensitive. Take note of this.
I don’t give a fuck about cars, football or suits – the supposed benchmark of straight masculinity and ideal topics for conversations among straight guys. Call me over-analytical, but I don’t see a point in talking about things you can never get. Why admire how sleek a car is when you aren’t working your ass off to get it? Why talk about football and criticize league players when you’re a fat fuck who can’t even climb to the second floor? Why talk about suits when, oh wait, are we only talking about how cool Harvey is in Suits and you wish to be like him BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO GET LAID?
Gay people know how to have more fun. Fact. Go to a gay bar and you’ll know.
So what’s the big deal?
Perhaps this little rant is my way of representing the “third” voice of sorts: Straight guys who are sensitive and are totally cool with being close with gay guys.
But this is not about us. It never was.
It is and will always be about acceptance for the LGBT community.
It is sad that this is a real issue because it stems from serious allegations. And this article is my way of helping, as I speak for the straight, silent guys out there who shy away from the topic.
This is a call for more acceptance of the LGBT community. Why is it still so hard for gay people to come out to their friends and family? Why are parents kicking out their kids for being gay? Why are people still believing gay is a choice? Add in elements of religion, biology and whatever, and we have a mess. It’s all because of mere intolerance.
Straight people who can’t accept gay people, it’s time to grow the fuck up.
The content of one’s character isn’t based on one’s sexuality. Whether they like dick or pussy, their personality is still very human. They being born that way is just them being born to live the life they’re meant to. You won’t label somebody as “different” if they’re left-handed, will you?
Being gay is not an epidemic. So I like hanging out with gay people. I even go to gay bars to chill sometimes. (Side note: It’s easier to hit on a girl in a gay bar, you macho wannabe losers.) Does that make me gay? Obviously not, but I can see your little smirk. I can see that shocked look on your face as if I caught some disease. This bad idea of being gay being an epidemic stretches far and wide to everyone, gay people even.
It comes down to this. I don’t think anyone talks about this openly enough. It has two sides to it. There’re indeed a ton of straight guys out there who are evolving and yearning towards “gay behavior”, so to speak. You can call them the new age sensitive guy, metrosexual, sensitive guy, cool guy, a new masculinity or whatever. We’re evolving. The only sad part is they’re pretty quiet as it is. Some of these guys are still a little embarrassed to show that they’re sensitive or like to hang out with gay friends, so much so they over compensate in other areas.
But rest assured, they are around and they’re totally in support of gay people and their lifestyle. In fact, I dare say these guys even yearn for a male friend who can comfort them.
On the flip side, there’re also straight guys who’re silently homophobic. They just don’t want to say it. They may be tolerant, but they cannot accept just yet. I know of friends, as good people as they are, who have blurted out, “I’m actually homophobic.” Ask them why and they’re like, “Erm…I don’t know. It’s just weird you know?” And that is pretty fucking sad, especially since they’re unknowingly trying so hard to be like gay people in so many ways.
Example? Some of the gay guys I’ve seen, as they’re very fond of their own looks, work out a lot and have solid bodies. The silent and intolerant straight guys want the same so badly. How ironic that they think that they’ve the right to talk shit and criticize. They may not be jumping gay people to beat them up or kicking them out of their houses, but the fact that this idea is in their head is bad enough. This is why they come up with weak jokes and actually have to ask questions when I say I like to hang out with gay people.
We’re all not so different. Gay, bi, straight, transgender, vegetarian. Whatever. We’re all little insecure creatures. That is the key similarity in everyone. We all have our own confessions. It’s time we stop hiding them. The intolerant ones need thorough education. The silent and sensitive dudes need a little nudge.
Voices for more acceptance of the LGBT are already on the rise. That’s cool. But what would be cooler is if, well, more straight dudes like me are willing to be more open. No more weak jokes, no more awkward laughter, no more open-mouth, wide-eyed expressions and no more labels.
Just open confessions. That’s cool.
And it’ll be beautiful.
Preach, brother! PREACH! 😀