One fine evening, I was driving along Toyin Street in the Lagos suburb of Ikeja. I was minding my own business; hitting on any one or scoring was the last thing on my mind. I was just trying to get home after the day’s activities. I was also enjoying the thrill of driving in my red BMW 3 Series. It was and still is a fantastic auto which I totally loved to bits and still reminisce on and miss till this day. Anyone who has ever owned or driven a BMW can tell you more about these amazing masterpieces of German engineering.
As I navigated my way through the usual evening traffic, I suddenly saw him. Or rather IT! I mean, I didn’t see his face, nope. I rather saw his backside. I was instantly captivated, and it took a supreme effort not to smash into the back of the car in front of me. I can still see clearly, in my head, the sway of those hips, the way his walk accentuated his shapely hips. Here was a guy who had cakes and who knew how to move them. I’ll be straight up with you (I’m not straight though), I LOOOOVE cakes! I think they are one of the most beautiful parts of the male anatomy.
And the dude who owned these ones – there was no way in all of Lagos I wasn’t going to try to chat him up, get to know him. I mean – Dayum! Those cakes!
Meanwhile, my gaydar was already going off uncontrollably. It was beeping and pinging, with the sounds reaching a shrieking crescendo with each passing second.
I slowed the car down till I pulled up alongside him. It was a few seconds before he noticed that I was driving at his same pace. He looked at me quizzically. Slapping on my most charming smile, I motioned for him to come closer, and in my best Queen’s English accent, I asked for directions to Opebi. Opebi of all places! That must have been the dumbest set of directions to ask for; I mean, who in Lagos doesn’t know the way from Opebi to Ikeja? It’s such an easy and direct route, that even a first time visitor to Lagos can literally find his way unaided from Ikeja to Opebi. But hey now, I’m only trying to work out a strategy to get at those cakes, and this was the only excuse I could muster up at the time for stopping and talking to Mister HotCakes.
Luckily, the absurdity of my request seemed not to have struck him, as he did his utmost to provide directions to Opebi. Emboldened, I requested that he accompany me in my car to show me the way to Opebi. Expectedly, he refused, saying he never got into strange vehicles. I had no further tricks in my bag and at this point I decided to give up the chase, this platter of premium man-cakes was probably not meant for me. Oh well…
I was about to shift my car back into gear and drive off when he suddenly had a change of heart. I still don’t know what happened, because I said or did nothing further. He just stopped me as I was about to zoom off and got in the car.
As we drove towards Opebi, I engaged him in conversation, tried to get to know him better and all. I told him I was bored and would deeply appreciate it if he agreed to drive around with me a bit as I was enjoying his company. He readily agreed to this. This was how we kept driving and talking and somehow, somewhere I blurted out that I had gay tendencies. Kevin (that’s his name) responded by asking what the word ‘gay’ meant. I was shocked to my roots, what 28-year-old man – even if he had just moved from Warri to Lagos, as Kevin had – doesn’t know what it means to be gay? Well, I set about explaining in all its lurid and graphic details what it meant to be gay and what gay sex was like.
I expected that at this point, he would do the regular homophobic Nigerian thing; shudder in disgust, snap his fingers and angrily demand that I stop and allow him get out from my vehicle, perhaps heaping generous portions of curses laced with biblical teachings at me. However, naïve Kevin totally surprised me; he burst into peals of uncontrollable laughter which bothered me, because this was a total departure from the usual reaction I had become accustomed to from Nigerian men. When I asked why he was laughing, he told me that no, he wasn’t gay, and that he had never in his entire life been hit on by a man. For some weird reason, rather than feeling disgusted and repulsed, he had instead found it extremely funny.
Reassured, I pressed on. “I know you’re not one, but I would really appreciate it if you tried it with me for the first time, loosen up a bit and not be so selfish with yourself. It’s not bad, like you think.” In response to this, he laughed some more, and then asked that I drive towards his house and drop him off.
I obliged him. We got to his stop, and he proceeded to get out from the car. I looked on, feeling my hopes getting dashed. It wasn’t a nice feeling. I was preparing to drive off when he suddenly requested for my phone number. I immediately began to wonder if he was trying to play some sort of mind game on me or if perhaps he was somehow setting plans in motion to expose and scandalize me. A small alarm bell had just replaced the earlier shrieking of my gaydar. I decided to politely end it all, then that I still had the chance. Abeg, there was too much weirdness going on. He repeated his request for my number which I finally provided him with. As he walked away he said, “If I call you tomorrow, then you have my answer to your ‘request’. But if I don’t, then you also have your answer.”
The next day was spent in a fit of curiosity and impatience. I kept looking at my phone and sometimes imagining in my head that it was ringing when it actually wasn’t. And then, at exactly 4pm – Yes! The exact time and date are forever etched in my memory as if carved on marble – I picked up the phone, and lo and behold, it was him!
“Hi, this is Kevin …”
We exchanged pleasantries and agreed that I would pick him up at the close of work.
I raced to complete the rest of my tasks for the day, jumped into my car and practically raced across the Third Mainland Bridge like I was being chased by demons from the pits of Armageddon. I crossed the seemingly endless expanse of that long bridge in about fifteen minutes! And headed to his place to pick him up. We headed to my place where I changed into more casual clothes. All this time, I tried to joke and banter with him in a bid to loosen him up, but he remained quiet and sort of tense. So I suggested we go out for a few drinks. I sensed that as a Warri boy, this would loosen him up faster than anything else could. I was obviously correct and then some! Because just as we were about to step out of my apartment, our eyes locked. Kelvin is a good-looking and tall, over 6ft tall. We stared at each other for a few moments, perhaps communicating our inner needs subconsciously. Impulsively, he grabbed me and pulled me close as he bent his head downwards to meet my lips. And just like that, we were kissing. I was surprised at what a skilled kisser he was, considering that he had never kissed a man before that time. We kissed in a frenzy of lust-driven passion for over five minutes. It was a blissful exploration of our senses via our mouths. Years have passed since that first kiss, but the memory of that day is one that shall always remain fresh in my mind.
We eventually went out to a bar for drinks, where we got to know more about each other and of course, make firm plans for the following day.
At exactly 4pm the next day, just like clockwork, he called and we agreed that I would pick him up once I was done with work on that day. Later that evening, I picked him up and we headed to my flat. Once behind closed doors, I took off my shirt, and this time there was no tension or anxiety on his part. He quickly took my cue and started to take off his clothes. Soon, we were both butt naked and facing each other. Feeling a bit nervous, I started to suck his dick which remained limp and soft despite all my efforts at stroking and sucking it, as if to affirm his earlier remarks about not being gay.
And yet he was in a room, naked, with another man! Weird as hell.
I decided to try to enter him, since his dick was obviously not going to be much use that day. I positioned him on his belly and gently oiled his ass crack. He lay motionless and offered no resistance as I slowly slid my rock hard dick into him. Okay, there’s not going to be any lurid narrative of what happened. (lol) But one thing was, I was too amped and hyped up with excitement and eagerness, so much so, that I came in less than two minutes.
This was however the beginning of our 5-year-long tryst, one that went on until I got married. Shortly afterwards, he did as well. We still see each other every now and then. And no, he’s still not gay; he’s adamant that he has no sexual relations with any other man. He’s just not that into any other man… Well, except for Yours Truly.
Written by King