Now there’s no question about the fact that gays love men. I personally think there are few things as beautiful to behold as a well-formed, chiseled male physique. Few things fascinate me like an erect dick, I mean, there’s so much you can do with it, and there are so many ways it can respond! I spent my teenage years getting to understand the moods and whims and caprices of a dick. Now about a decade later, I can comfortably say, I am extremely skilled at handling all types of cock: small, big, not-so-big and the intimidatingly enormous. Trust me when I say it, I’ve seen ‘em all. Umm, I like ass too, though to a lesser extent.
Now, the other day I was chatting with a friend who lives in Canada. He works for a large company which recently set up an LGBT employees association. According to the management, they realized that in order to enhance productivity, it was necessary for every employee to feel free and open about his- or herself. They realized that the preference for being in the closet put a huge strain on employees mentally and impacted productivity negatively, hence the LGBT initiative. According to my friend, it was quite a lavish launching event.
Anyway, at the event, my friend Ikenna (Iyke) got caught up in the moment and chose the event as his coming-out party. In summary, he walked to the podium, grabbed the mike and came out before his colleagues and bosses. According to him, it felt like a great and crushing weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was afterwards met with a huge outpouring of support and encouragement and expectedly curious questions about what it was like being gay in Nigeria where he had been born and raised up till his University education when he moved to Canada.
After the partying and fanfare had died down, another colleague approached him and said, “Iyke, I always knew you were gay, you tried to hide deep in the closet, but I could still tell. Anyway, I’m glad you’re over that phase. Life is too short to be anything but yourself.”
“How could you tell?” Iyke questioned in consternation. “I’m not effeminate or flamboyant and I’ve never hit on anyone at work.”
“Well, it’s pretty easy. We work in a department where we have a lot of people from the outside world coming and going throughout the day. I noticed that whenever a beautiful woman walks in, all the other men would unconsciously perk up, sit up and take notice. It is like there’s this aura of attraction which women emit that only men can pick up. But I always noticed that this aura seemed to simply drift by you without you taking any notice. I mean, at the office, you barely even notice the ladies, they might as well be pieces of furniture. They simply don’t show up on your radar, if anything you seem to regard them as minor irritations…”
My chat with Iyke reminded me of a conversation I had with another friend a few weeks ago, he was of the opinion that there are two types of gay men – those who absolutely love women and are always in their company but NEVER in their pants, and then those who NEVER have anything but the barest minimum to do with women.
Speaking of such men-and-women dynamics, have you seen the series, Modern Family? There is this episode where the gay character, Mitchell Pritchett, and his partner, Cameron Tucker, talked about how gay men and lesbians are not wired to get along, despite the fact that they essentially are not after the same things. I watched that episode, and I caught myself agreeing.
I was once at this TB party and, as I love to dance with girls despite how much I like men, I spotted this shapely girl in a sexy white dress and sauntered up to her, gyrating and twirling my hips in the gusto of my dance with her. I had barely begun getting into the groove with her, when I was roughly shoved aside. I looked up in surprise to find this big macho butch lesbian in a lumberjack shirt staring menacingly down at me. She was bigger, taller and angrier; I have no doubt that she was ready to beat my ass all over the dance floor. Abeg, I scampered away (flipped my Peruvian hair in her face first!). Obviously she had taken extreme offence to my dancing with her babe. From the look she gave me, I was certain she hated me for being male regardless of the fact that I am gay.
And so, these are the dynamics of the gaybourhood that make me wonder sometimes. And make me wanna ask – do you really think lesbians and gay men cannot get along as one big, happy family? (I do so hope our lesbian readership will drop an answer or two here) And secondly, based on the two categories of homosexuals I earlier talked about, what kind of gay man are you?
Let’s have your answers, people…
Written by Khaleesi