JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 12)

Blog_KD JournalAugust 29

James just dodged a bullet. Lol.

Hello, my fabulous people of Kito Diaries. I’m back… briefly. I’m sure some of you were glad that the stench of my ramblings weren’t around to spoil your Sunday mornings, but it’s gon’ take a lot more to stop this unicorn from writing.

I’ve been busy as hell. This course is not easy. To make matters worse, they bombard me with tests almost every day. When I get home, I will discuss dropping out with my dad so I can pursue the things that really interest me, which are hot guys and gaming consoles. (Kidding…) But seriously I think my creative talent is being wasted in trying to be someone who is going to be in a lab coat and surgical mask for the rest of his life. Let me learn to sew, sing like them divas and write like Pinky and Rapu’m. I’m sure I’d feel much more fulfilled.

Now, about that bullet… Maybe I was being a tad bit too dramatic. *smoothens out trousers* But I’m gay, and drama is in me blood. I avoid it as often as I can, but once in a while, there’s always time to let out a storm and make mountains out of molehills. You know, keep in touch with that inner bitchiness.

You will sha decide if it’s much of a big deal on your own. Now, on to my story…

You know how I’ve been sitting jejely on my own and trying not to get into a relationship? Well, loneliness decided to come mess with my mind, and Instead of deciding to get a dog or a cat, I decided to give some dude (let’s call him Sheni) who has been on my case – still is – a shot. I mean, he seemed so legit and quite caring and shii. Maybe I shouldn’t let this one that waka come to waka go.

I was pretty blunt with him about my reservations, and eventually, we agreed to give us a chance. I wanted to dip my toe into the water first, before I decide to wade in or not. We said we’d discuss some ground rules for the whole thing, but life as a student came in the way and I didn’t get a chance to say anything to him.

Meanwhile, there was this piece of goodness who regularly came to Sheni’s workplace and – Oh Lordie! – he was gay too! I decided to see if he’d be warm to the idea of us getting down, but just as we were about to kiss, he stopped himself and told me he was in love with Sheni. I stared at him and all I thought in my head was ‘You poor, poor little boy.’ (He’s older than me by a year though) I asked how that affected us and the little fun we were going to have (I’m a hoe, Sue me) and he said he doesn’t want to cheat on Sheni.

Say what?!

I asked if they were dating, and he said yes. I however took it to mean that he made up something in his head about the two of them, because the rate at which Sheni had been all up in my business was not characteristic of someone who had someone at home. He’d also told me he was single.

Just to confirm, I asked Sheni about what I’d discovered, and he denied having had anything to do with the guy except his ‘awakening’ and sex. I like to believe people, and the boy (Femi) was relatively new to the whole idea of being gay, so it was possible he misinterpreted some things.

However, after I decided to give it a shot with Sheni, I got to talking with Femi again a few days later. I decided I wanted to be like a brother who would show the guy some of the ropes in the gay scene. He didn’t know any other gay person beside Sheni, then me. He had always been a bit on the fence about his sexuality, never had sex until Sheni, and I felt protective. I also wanted to fuck his brains out.  The talk turned back to Sheni and I had to ask if he was absolutely sure he got into a relationship with Sheni. He affirmed this strongly. He said they both agreed. I decided to ask Sheni again.

I did that on Wednesday night. And Sheni sheepishly affirmed that they’d dated; past tense for him, seeing as he’d moved on…to me. Nigga didn’t even have the decency to tell the poor guy that it was over. He was just stringing him along, extra cakes to have on the side.

I was angry, very angry about a lot of things.

I was angry that he could be so callous as to toy with someone’s emotions like that. For Pete’s sake, you are no longer in love, and yet, you don’t even have the decency to let the other person know it’s over?! That’s just plain evil. And the naive guy was confused as to what’s up.

I was also angry that in my being sincere about my thoughts and feelings and telling him as many truths as I felt it was his business as someone interested in me ought to know, he couldn’t reciprocate. I mentally slapped myself over and over. I am too trusting, I’ve been told that a number of times. I’m not out to hurt anyone, and I feel that the world feels the same for me. I think that just because I’m honest and shii, other people will treat me the same way. Thankfully I always had the feeling there was something fishy about Sheni, and I was right.

I was also particularly mad that I was almost about to add to my string of mistakes. What if I had decided to be committed and I found out all these much later? Emotional stress and shii. I really hate people.

Anyhow sha, seems like I’m going to keep up with my #SingleTill2015 mission. And when next I feel lonely, I will get a parrot (they don’t allow large pets in my apartment). We will have meaningful conversations and lots of fun together.

Written by James

26 thoughts on “JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 12)

  1. This reminded me of a group of secondary school kids with really nothing substantial going on in their lives. I hoped this journal had become defunct or was on some kind of indefinite hiatus…clearly I was wrong. And… I didn’t know veterinarians wore surgical gloves or masks all the days of their lives. ..always envisioned them inspecting butchered carcasses in dirt ridden slaughter houses. ..or whatever it is they do in Nigeria. .

  2. James, u see ur life? See what ur trying to put definite endings to your stories av caused??? I liked it better when u jumped topics. Kept my imagination active.
    *continues to read “the man, his son and their donkey”*

  3. Ah..the two timers never seem to end!! OK James I feel that you were upset coz Femi ditched you for sheni and oh Sheni the converter or the “teacher”…..reminds me of someone in ph that we called teacher coz he loved to teach guys about being gay and how sweet it is!!! Hmmm wonder what’s become of him.

    • Hahaha. I’m not sure what makes you think he ditched me for sheni. sheni afterall always sort of had him…

      And trystham.. There hasn’t been a lot going on what with upcoming exams and stuff.. hence I couldn’t ramble much.

      And no.. I am not doing Femi. Yet. *evil grin*

  4. Kai!!!! Chizzie you toxic, narrow-minded skank, it was a funny piece, laugh about it and move on……hate less and live longer hunnie…..Nice one James,make sure you eat Femi’s cookies as a consolation, trust me you’ll feel better.

  5. Chizzy can be so mean but very funny, just like sue sylvester in glee, mean but u can’t just help liking them. Nice one @james though,I only wished it was longer with much more ramblings like I have come to love it

  6. Seriously James, I want to ask you a question – aren’t you about to repeat the same thing Sheni did with Femi? You’ll lead him on ,fuck him ,and then get tired, based on how your interest in his physical. I’m not saying you should not – It’s legit, you are allowed to do what you want, etc. My only issue is that Femi is going to learn from you two that relationships in the gay world are only ways to convince men to fuck you, or ways to get sponsorship. It would be nice, if you do fuck him, to let him know your long – term intentions.

    • He knows my intentions. I told him straight up. And though gay life isn’t only about sex that’s what it mostly is in our country. I’ve told him he has to get used to it and not expect anything serious from a gay dude. Of it happens and it lasts longer than a few months then he should thank his stars.

      In my words to him “as much as I’d really like to have sex with you, I want to be a friend first.”

      So he knows I think he’s hot and all but it all depends on him if anything goes down. So as much as I’m being a devil, I’m being a nice devil. No pressure sha. It’s not like he’s the only one with cakes to eat left…

      (James is wondering what he’s turning into)

      • Cool. I disagree that relationships usually last only 2-3 months, though. That’s only when you rush into them because you can’t wait to fuck a guy. The less desperate you are to get into something, the more likely you are to get something that lasts. In short, just take your time!

  7. I don’t know why gay guys derive pleasure in bitchy attitudes.again,d double ” standardness” of guys surprises me.u want a committed guy but at d same time trying to fuck around.na wao 4 guys.lastly,if u have writing talents,i don’t see how it should clash with ur academics or vocation to d xtent of considering drop out.i know d writer was joking but I have to dwell on this 4 d benefit of younger ones who r struggling with their talents vis a vis their academic pursuits.unlike 2face n other skul drop outs we consider celebrities today,an educated celebrity will make a better role model to up coming generations

  8. James. Have you had anything with Sheni? From your story, I could deduce that you made a move on Femi even while you were considering Sheni. That shows how committed you would be in your relationship with him. Even with you having the mind of having Sex with hot Femi, I can bet that you want Sheni cos he is caring and shi.
    Guess you two are good in your games.
    Maybe Sheni actually wants you but I suppose he’s just being protective of Sheni cos he is his ‘teacher’.
    I suspect you are playing on Femi ‘s innocence to get to his trouser. Cos I am sure he doesn’t know about you and Sheni.
    And since you are claiming to be a nice devil, then Sheni and you should include kiss and don’t tell in your ground rules. BTW we all are guilty of having side-chics. So my dear, say yes to Sheni before it’s too late. Lol

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