THAT THING CALLED HIV

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????If for some reason you have not heard the recent WHO recommendation concerning HIV and MSM (Men who sleep with men), I am trying really hard not to be surprised at you. Perhaps you had your head stuck in someone’s ‘glory hole’ for the past few weeks and I am pretty sure you cannot watch the news or browse the internet in there. How did you breathe though? Did you somehow manage to fit an oxygen tank inside? Anyway, that’s none of my business (sips Lipton tea).

HIV, however, is my business. I lost a brother I love so much to this virus and he was also gay. Does this mean the gay gene runs in my family? At this point, I think you need to take a sip of Lipton. Since I am nice, I will not let you stand while you imbibe my toxic brew. You will need to take a whole stadium of seats while you sip it. As I was saying (clears throat), HIV took my beloved brother and for that reason I have got personal issues with that goddamned virus. Since I have made this matter my business, I invite you to join me as we look at some facts that concern the homosexual and HIV virus.

1) The first official report on AIDS in 1981 detailed accounts of severe illness in five young men. They were all gay. In fact, AIDS was initially called “gay- related immune deficiency” until it was realised in 1982 that the illness was not exclusive to the gay community. (In other words, initially dem bin think say na only una waka come on top this gay matter until later when dem come realise say una PLENTY wey waka come)

2) Rates of HIV among MSM have always been disproportionate compared to the general population. The prevalence among homosexual men is said to be 13 times higher. (E mean say, even though people plenty wey waka come, the gay people wey waka come still plenty pass the others)

3) According to one source, if you will permit some statistics from the US, “MSM are only a small percentage of the U.S. population, but they are consistently the population group most affected by the HIV/AIDS virus and are the largest proportion of American citizens with an AIDS diagnosis who have died.” Although MSM in the US are twice more likely to practice safer sex than the heterosexual man, they remain the only group with increasing rates of infection. (diaris really God…)

4) According to the WHO, it has been established that a whopping 97% of people living with HIV reside in low and middle income countries especially sub-Saharan Africa. MSM research is still in its infancy due to factors which include poverty but especially the hostile social, political, and legal environment which drives this population underground making targeted research and intervention impossible. (Nigerian leaders wey establish anti-gay laws, oya make una clap for una selves!)

5) Why are the rates of HIV so high in the MSM population? The mucous membrane of the anus/rectum is one cell thick (compared to the vagina that has many cell layers) and the HIV virus can cross INTACT ano-rectal mucosa. In other words, one does not have to bruise or bleed for the virus to gain access but if there is a bruise or bleed, the risk escalates. Secondly, the anal/rectal mucosa bruises and bleeds far more easily than the vaginal mucosa (unless your hole is lined with concrete like mine). This is why the WHO in its 2014 guideline recommends the use PLENTY LUBE during gay sex (now you go and start that lube business, honey. You will make tons of money from it) because it reduces the chance of tears, whether of skin or of the condom. (My sista, engine oil fit save your life oh! If that one no dey house, my dear, groundnut oil no be only for stew. Remain blessed!)

Disclaimer: Several studies have documented a high use of products associated with condom breakage, including petroleum products, baby oils, and other lotions used for lubrication during anal sex. (Adds Peak to Lipton and stirs.)

6) Who is more likely to get the HIV virus?

In heterosexual relationships, the woman is more likely to get infected and there are several reasons why. She is the receptive partner and the vagina has a wide area compared to the urethra of the male penis. The vagina can break or bruise during sex and deposited semen can stay for hours inside the vagina. The female therefore has a wider contact area and longer contact time. The receiving partner (bottom) is also more likely to become infected for similar reasons but the risk is 19 times higher with anal sex compared to vaginal sex.

Eh-hen (stands with arms akimbo), so you are a bottom and you are allowing the top to hit a homerun without a condom and without lube abi? All this risk on top the bad name you have been given both within and outside the MSM community?  Add to all this the pain you experience during sex? Now that you have heard all this, will you keep quiet? Issokay, Kontinu! (Sits down, crosses legs, flips weave and sips Lipton)

The exclusive top (i.e. who practices only insertive intercourse) is less likely to get infected compared to the bottom but more likely to transmit the virus to his partner. Brother Top, what are you feeling like now? You are still at risk if you are careless and abeg save your feelings of superiority.

The versatile is at higher risk of being a “transmitter” because, simply put, they can “get and give”. Chai! My versatile sister, na wah oh! Anyhow sha, dia ris still god!

Lesbian sex is mostly non-penetrative and thus exclusive lesbians have one of the lowest rates of HIV worldwide. Yay! Girls, abeg chop knuckle! Nothing do una! Hey, hey, hey! I don’t mean you guys with long ugly things dangling between your legs. Abeg respect your “pee-knees” and drop that “weavon”!

7) CONCERNING “CONDOMIZATION”

Condoms, if used properly and consistently confer 97% protection. Note that I said “if used properly” oh! Before person go tie condom for waist come dey claim say e use condom. My sisters, learn to check people’s CVs before having sex with them. The minimum requirement before a person is allowed to do the “job” should be a doctorate degree in “condomization”. Good luck with that sha!

Not helping is the fact that condoms are more likely to get torn during anal sex. Haba! What is it sef! I think it’s time to give my calling to become a nun a second thought! (Pensive mood) Biko who knows a good convent hia? Recommend o!

Quick advice: Stopping every 5 minutes to check if it’s torn would be impractical, especially when big aunty is screaming for more. But I think if you FEEL it’s torn, it probably is. Please stop and check. If ejaculation does not occur into the anus, the risk is less but this is by no means a recommended method of preventing infection.

8) CONCERNING PROPHYLAXIS:

POST EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS (PEP): This involves taking anti-retrovirals after one has experienced a risky event that may lead to infection with the virus. These include pin pricks, sexual assault or unprotected sex. To be effective, PEP must be commenced within 72 hours of exposure and consists of 2-3 drugs that must be taken for 28 days. Note also that PEP is not 100% effective.

PRE-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS (PrEP):  This is the recent recommendation by the WHO for homosexual men. What this means, my dear, is that in addition to those oral contraceptives and beauty enhancing vitamins you pop each morning, you will have to take an extra anti-HIV pill daily to prevent infection EVEN BEFORE YOU ARE EXPOSED. Some have argued that this will encourage stereotypes and worsen stigma but the WHO claims that this recommendation was made based on high quality statistics and that if implemented, it would reduce new cases of HIV infection by 70%. I think post exposure prophylaxis is a better alternative. What do you think?

9) A person who loves you or a person you love can still give you HIV. True love is identified by its actions. It is your duty to protect the person you love from harm at all times. You cannot look at a person and guess their HIV status. For the psychic sisters, abeg “ctrl x” your witchcraft instincts. It won’t work here. I don’t care if your love is like that of Romeo and Juliet squared and added to that between David and Jonathan raised to the power of 100, biko pause the love, pause the blue film and “condomize”. And abeg, abeg, abeg, don’t even start with the “so you don’t trust me” or “are you cheating on me” line. That’s probably what someone told my brother before infecting him. Abeg, I take God beg you, that dude that is professing heaven and earth for you can dump you tomorrow. Until then, biko “condomize”! Tanku!

10) Finally, for my dear brothers who are already infected with HIV and are carrying the heavy burden of double stigma, please stay strong. HIV infection is NOT a death sentence. Healthy people die daily, cut off without warning in their prime while others in spite of physical ailments survive against great odds and manage to live long happy lives. Life is what you make it. After HIV, the same still applies. My brother died because he stopped taking his medication. I beg of you, after you have commenced your drugs, DO NOT FOR ANY REASON STOP TAKING THEM. You will hear of all kinds of miracle cures for HIV. Do not patronize these charlatans. HIV will not kill you, but failing to take your medication or failing to live healthy most likely will. Please be courageous, stay strong and keep your dreams alive! I would rather have a brother who is infected AND ALIVE!

I have also heard stories of people who deliberately spread the virus or stop using protection because they feel it’s over since they are already infected. To such I appeal, please “do unto others as you want them to do to you”. For those who chose to continue this wickedness, know that dia ris God. God is watching you in 3D. God will see us. Meanwhile, I think you should be rotting in jail. (Spits)

Okay your torture is over because the long article ends here. Thank you so much for reading! You can still do better by sharing this with all your gay friends. The Holy Book don talk am say, “My people perish because of ignorance.” Biko help me to save ignorance about HIV among gay men. Tanku again.

For those of you who stopped reading when you realised this article was about the old “HIV matter”, I wish you well. (puts an extra cube into Lipton-ed tea)

For those of you who think you are somehow protected from HIV no matter what you do or who believe that it is just the white man’s invention, keep the flag flying. (stirs tea)

For those of you, who after all my begging and crying, will go ahead to practice unsafe sexual acts, biko, I have done my own part. Besides it’s your life, and that’s really none of my business. (sips – Hey! Who da hell stole my Lipton?!)

Written by Sensuous Sensei

25 thoughts on “THAT THING CALLED HIV

  1. Wow Sensei,I’m sorry your brother died. It’s a pity he stopped taking his drugs.
    The whole HIV thing is some scary shit! It’s enough to scare one into celibacy…(Well,almost.)

  2. Sensei you are a clown! I actually laughed reading this. A lot of people still have unprotected sex and it’s scary how careless people can be. My company partners with the FG on providing free ARVs so I tend to be around the clinics often and I am often amazed with the number of new cases that come up daily.
    Please take Sensei’s wise counsel. Protect yourself

  3. *sips sensei’s lipton*

    Damn this is some pretty good lipton. Who made this shii.

    I think bottoms can help themselves by being assertive about the condom ish. It’s you that owns the honeypot and it’s not by force kporo must enter that day no matter how delish it looks.

  4. Thanks @SensuousSensei…
    As someone who works with D̶̲̥̅ MSM population, I have 2 Say dat its №t easy having 2 live with double stigma for those who Α̲̅я̩̥̊ƺ positive n Gay bt then again, a lot of these people can be very stubborn when I concerns caring for themselves which mostly pushes them into destructive behaviours. I just hope they will see the light and come to their senses because “Your Health is Your Wealth”

  5. this is the topic everyone loves to hate, but the truth is, we must confront this issue since as at the last time I checked, there’s no vaccine or immunity to HIV. plz plz plz let’s protect ourselves and each other. honestly, with the statistics these days about HIV amongst gay men, am scared shitless of random sex, I see a hot guy & after the first few randy thoughts, tye next thing on my mind is ‘could he be HIV+?, gurllll, you beta runaway’ and often I listen to that small voice … nice piece Sensei **hugs**

  6. What a great way to start the day…by the way…”HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME”
    lets kontinu…Sensei…what a great way to pass on the message, Its a serious issue made simple…I think (sorry)… I know you need an award for this piece…Gracias a mi amigo por la información

  7. Great Article sensei…and thank you Pinky for making me feel less alone…av been struggling with being me for a while…but this blog makes it a whole lot easier…it makes me understand that there are people out there who feel…think..act..maybe even walk..like i do…and For that I am verii grateful…

  8. This came across as too defensive and preachy in a nose-in-the-air-way. Especially since much of what was said here isn’t new, and has been repeated in other articles about HIV. The rule of thumb with writing abt HIV is to do so in a manner where the subject isn’t rigid, scholastic and preachy, that way ppl can sympathize with it and in doing so acquire knowledge, this however was all of the aforementioned.

  9. My piporu! HIV no dey show for face o!
    Just discovered a close friend of mine is positive. And I swear down, he was the last person I’d consider to be.
    Lesson point is no matter how bbm lovestruck icon you may be (or look), biko use condom and use it properly!

  10. I just looooooved reading this piece….oh my!! laffed in my office sotay my staff begin ask me what a matter….ofcoz I couldn’t tell them what I was reading coz they would ask me to share and ehm!!! not yet biko…(sipped my ice tea jeje)!..anyway kudos to Sensei and ofcoz my pink beauty Panther queen….who to me is…like someone said over d weekend by d pool…”she is the Cleo of all the patras”…hehehehe!! Oh and am sooo sorry about the brother death thingy but I happen to belong to Christ Embassy and have seen…yes seen positive HIV results become NEGATIVE!!! packing my long schlong by the corner..coz am waiting for the hoolabaloos!! Who just won’t believe!!! If only they could ONLY!!!

  11. very hilarious piece.pls protect urself no matter the situation and cost. i was so young and naive,any still trying to stay positive though i’m positive.PS:i need the contacts of either a gay or a gay friendly doctor for counselling cos i must confess the trauma is hard to deal with.

    • Andrevn, the author of this piece, Sensei, is a doctor. And he’s very compassionate. If you want it, he has given me the permission to give u his email so u can correspond with him.

  12. uhn! just signed up 2days ago.wat’s with these social networks self. abeg sorry 4 the inconveniences jare. do post it on this platform tanx.

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