Seven Things I Don’t Like About Being A Bottom

g16This is about me. Me – Pink Panther! I don’t know about them other sistas, but the following are the things I really don’t like about being a Bottom.

1. I don’t like that every Tom, DICK and Harry expects me to just looove to be fucked by a BIG DICK. I don’t subscribe to that. Why should I? I don’t like that he whips it out, and it’s monstrous, and I cringe, and he’s like, ‘Come on, Shaniqua took it all in last week.’ Well, helloooo…I’m Pinky, not Shaniqua, and my asshole does not have an opening the size of an underground train track. I like me some lollipops and bananas, not cucumbers and yams.

2. I don’t like that the Top thinks of me as his woman. Oh for chrissakes, have you seen me? I’ve got no boobs. So when we start dating, don’t expect me to always clean up your shii and cook and spread my legs every time you get an itch, just like that wife your older brother married. Because, news flash! I’m a dude too, and I enjoy moments of that laziness all the women seem to think men have.

3. I don’t like that I meet a cute guy, a really cute guy, and we get to talking, and we discover that we are both bottoms, and I’m expected to recoil from him with distaste and be like, Uh-uh, this ain’t happening, we’re not lesbians. I mean, come on! Why should the Versatiles get to have all the fun?!

4. I don’t like that I can’t see my ass. Yep. My asshole, that is. I don’t like that I can’t see what he sees when he spreads my ass cheeks, sighs with pleasure and begins to go about his business. I mean, I need to know what my honeypot looks like. And why not? The Top looks down on his equipment all the time, admiring it and thanking the Lord for blessing him with it. I too would like to look back into my equipment, to better understand what it’s got going on to make him wanna dip his face in it and eat-lick-munch away.

5. I don’t like that the experts say that I’m the one with the higher tendency of contracting HIV in the event of unprotected sex between me and the Top. Now, how is that fair? Is there no way the HIV virus can defy gravity and find its way up from my ass and into his dick? No? You’re sure? You don’t think we should wake Isaac Newton up to propose a law that will explain away that particular brand of physics?

6. I don’t like that some Tops think sex begins when he sticks it into me and ends when he goes ‘Aarrgh’ and then pulls it out and flops to my side in satisfaction. I. DON’T. LIKE. THAT. ONE. BIT! I don’t know about that guy you fucked last week, but I just want to ask you, Did you think you fucked a pussy? Did you think that while you were banging away, my orgasm was happening inside there? Dude, it happens in front, just like you, and I happen NOT to like wanking myself when you’re there. Otherwise, why are we in bed together? I have a cache of porn in my laptop, soap and water at my disposal if me pleasuring myself was what I wanted.

7. Finally, I don’t like that after all these things I don’t like about being a Bottom, I still can’t help the fact that I like being a Bottom. Such twisted irony, innit?

Written by Pink Panther

42 thoughts on “Seven Things I Don’t Like About Being A Bottom

  1. No 2 is my concern and every bottom should resist it! I don’t have such expectations of my partners! We are both guys so I don’t expect you to cook and clean. Its perfectly fine if we laze about in bed all day and eat bread and margarine plus a soda.

  2. I don’t like that it hurts alot…

    I don’t like that it takes forever to get “in”(in my case a thug of war)

    I don’t like the fact that a good enema bulb is hard to find in this unfortunate country of ours and some of us have to eh…improvise through other methods

    I don’t like to get fingered. . esp by tops who grow claws , majority of which never get the memo

    I DO NOT LIKE IT ROUGH…Nigerian tops can’t have it anyway else, ,unfortunately

    • Hahahahaa. Those last two are dead-on. I mean, I like to be fingered, but NOT by the clawed fingers. Jeez! That shit hurts.

      And where is it written that a rough bang is the way to give maximum satisfaction?

      • There was a Legislative Tops Conference somewhere in Lagos in the 60’s where it was decreed….and all members swore to uphold it as the laws of the Medes & Persians.

    • God bless you. Its more annoying when you ask for the bulb n its like you just asked if they have Obamas in stock.

    • Here is my view, I have little experience compared to most. I do have a slight fem side but I consider myself straight, not so for my occasional sleep friend, he is masqulin gay. He asked me several times to sleep with him and later to begin sex. A bit odd to me at first with no experience, he knew this, polite person. So first time just sleeping with him i bought a casual nightgown and entered the bedroom making sure he saw this. He never has really asked why but I did want him to think this would proceed as just a guy on guy thing. I sill wear these when i am with him. Sex started slowly and thoughtfully. I from the first time took the bottom position as thinking of me on top well no way. If I am going to remain in his bed I will always be on the bottom and prefer on my back or side, never on all fours but sometimes on top of him. Very good exciting sex with two way oral and yes we both swallow out of respect. Believe me both enjoy most everything we try, sometimes Kinky. Never thought I would enjoy it this much. Have send him B-day card to let him know we could consider a third. This is going to very much surprise him. If happens he with get bill for better sleeping gowns and much shorter, he thinks I am shy and modest and it drives him nuts. We are not i love but just good sex. His big surprise when / if third arrives, I be on the bottom performing best extra wild moaning screaming ride and third will enjoy without doubt.

  3. Sistas? I really don’t get why bottoms refer to themselves as sistas. If you think of yourself as a Sista then I don’t see the point of no 2.

  4. I probably should have said this on the post, but this piece is entirely satiric oo! For those of you who have little sense of humour and might start tearing their weave-on for me. Abeg o.

  5. Yeah, a bottom is a guy too. But hey, who says a girl has to also wash and clean after the man? *Seriously waving feminist card, aint joking*

  6. Hmmm nice and I think I want to agree and though am a Top I too have one day gotten to be a bottom and I loved it coz I did that for a stra8t guy who was curious and later couldn’t stop asking me for it until he got the memo that I just wanted him to play and when I taught him to bottom oh boi I was d one doing the shoving again this time coz he just couldn’t get enuf of my loving!!! Anyway just before u guys scream blue murder I’ll tell you why. When I enter I make it my point of duty to take it eh like d song…”nice and slow steady on we go” until we both enter a rhythm so dat when am balling a new convert he wouldn’t even know when I have cum….he”ll just ask..” oh why did u stop”….chuckles!!! (by the way truth be told..this has actually happened before!!)

  7. Now this is the kind of article I have been yearning for!
    Thank you!
    Guyz can we have more articles of this sort?
    Cos seriously I’m beginning to get bored oh!

  8. What can we ever do to please u ladies…. We bang u hard u go all hell complaining dat we fucks u like a whore and it hurts…. We take it slow…. And u go abt telling ur girlfrnds how lazy we are n can’t give it to u like d MAN we claim to be….I mean what do we do…lol

    • U are just so funny Knells. Me I don’t like it too rough at same time don’t be fucking slow. An awesome tempo make a great sex for me.
      I like big dicks. So tinny tweenies ain’t for me!

    • i think it’s about listening to your partner body. sometimes you want to be fucked hard… sometimes, nice and slow… sometimes you want to start slow till you get into rhythm you screaming “FASTER!!!”… bottom line(pun intended?) is as a top you have to pay attention to the dude you’re fucking and see what he’s in the mood for… same thing doesn’t work for different dudes. heck, same the doesn’t necessarily work for the same dude all the time.

  9. I seriously love it slow nd steady nd rough doesn’t just do it 4 me. argggggghhhhhhh . Ok as for no 2 , I just cannot stand a dirty enviroment / laziness . So I might tend 2 clean arrange nd cook (dats if d love strong die if not me nd u go gather stay d dirty) lolz *Rotfl*

  10. I think the lesson to be gotten from this is…listen to what your partner likes & doesn’t like in bed. The best people at sex are those that can adapt. Both partners are meant to enjoy getting down

  11. Sex is not a one person affair…it is an activity whereby both parties are physically, mentally and emotionally entwined in an erotic resonance frequency…….

  12. Well said Pinky! Anyways, been there done dat! I Have a Man who Loves ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ n is concerned bout М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ well-being in n out of bed (tho he still xpects ♍e̶̲̥̅̊ to do all D̶̲̥̅ household chores which I try to do). I jst can’t get why some tops think D̶̲̥̅ asshole is a pussy… Babies pop out of VeeJayJay’s n №t BuJayJay’s so quit humping us like a Horse in Heat.

  13. I hate that cause I bottom some people expect me to be chaste.. hellur!!! I’ve got testosterone too ya know…

  14. Not Even through the lot yet i’m reeling with chronic laughter already disturbing my rummies…..Goin back to read the whole of it….Some “words” there Pinktiggy.

  15. Reserved Comments!…..U echoed my thoughts sha aside frm the No 1, oh please i personally love them cucumbers cos they are filling and fulfilling. For No 4, you could always squat on top a mirror to get a view of ur honeypot..i’ve been there and done it nd it looks just nice n fine,#Batt’sEyeLids.

  16. I love being a bottom but the part about acting like it’s a pussy is what bothers me about tops too. But this was a very interesting and funny post. I got my laugh and life for the night lol.

  17. Pingback: According To WordPress, KD’s Most Popular Posts Of 2014 Were… | kitodiaries

  18. the ‘i’m a dude too, i’m not a woman’ was kind of mysoginistic, we get it, you’re a manly man dude bro, why you gotta insinuate women are the one’s who have to clean and cook

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s