1. I don’t like that every Tom, DICK and Harry expects me to just looove to be fucked by a BIG DICK. I don’t subscribe to that. Why should I? I don’t like that he whips it out, and it’s monstrous, and I cringe, and he’s like, ‘Come on, Shaniqua took it all in last week.’ Well, helloooo…I’m Pinky, not Shaniqua, and my asshole does not have an opening the size of an underground train track. I like me some lollipops and bananas, not cucumbers and yams.
2. I don’t like that the Top thinks of me as his woman. Oh for chrissakes, have you seen me? I’ve got no boobs. So when we start dating, don’t expect me to always clean up your shii and cook and spread my legs every time you get an itch, just like that wife your older brother married. Because, news flash! I’m a dude too, and I enjoy moments of that laziness all the women seem to think men have.
3. I don’t like that I meet a cute guy, a really cute guy, and we get to talking, and we discover that we are both bottoms, and I’m expected to recoil from him with distaste and be like, Uh-uh, this ain’t happening, we’re not lesbians. I mean, come on! Why should the Versatiles get to have all the fun?!
4. I don’t like that I can’t see my ass. Yep. My asshole, that is. I don’t like that I can’t see what he sees when he spreads my ass cheeks, sighs with pleasure and begins to go about his business. I mean, I need to know what my honeypot looks like. And why not? The Top looks down on his equipment all the time, admiring it and thanking the Lord for blessing him with it. I too would like to look back into my equipment, to better understand what it’s got going on to make him wanna dip his face in it and eat-lick-munch away.
5. I don’t like that the experts say that I’m the one with the higher tendency of contracting HIV in the event of unprotected sex between me and the Top. Now, how is that fair? Is there no way the HIV virus can defy gravity and find its way up from my ass and into his dick? No? You’re sure? You don’t think we should wake Isaac Newton up to propose a law that will explain away that particular brand of physics?
6. I don’t like that some Tops think sex begins when he sticks it into me and ends when he goes ‘Aarrgh’ and then pulls it out and flops to my side in satisfaction. I. DON’T. LIKE. THAT. ONE. BIT! I don’t know about that guy you fucked last week, but I just want to ask you, Did you think you fucked a pussy? Did you think that while you were banging away, my orgasm was happening inside there? Dude, it happens in front, just like you, and I happen NOT to like wanking myself when you’re there. Otherwise, why are we in bed together? I have a cache of porn in my laptop, soap and water at my disposal if me pleasuring myself was what I wanted.
7. Finally, I don’t like that after all these things I don’t like about being a Bottom, I still can’t help the fact that I like being a Bottom. Such twisted irony, innit?
Written by Pink Panther