A few months ago, I opened up, in a joking manner, about my sexuality to one of my closest straight friends, he studies in Ghana. I told him I like guys. We’d been friends since Secondary School, and I knew he disliked homosexuals, quite a lot actually. I don’t know what drove me to out myself to him, knowing what I did about his homophobia, but like I said, we’d been friends for a very long time. And we were really close.
When I told him, his reaction – though expected on some level – still took me by surprise. He was shocked and outraged, and told me not to speak to him again. Then he went on to block me from all his accounts – BBM, Whatsapp, Facebook, Skype . . . everything. That hurt. It was really painful, and I felt so bad that I cried over it. I complained to some of my friends, those who are gay, and they told me what I already knew, that I shouldn’t have told him.
Meanwhile, in spite of the hurt I felt, I didn’t regret telling him. A part of me was relieved by what I did, even though it cost me our friendship. That part of me was happy that I was able to be a good friend to him, by telling him all about me. I later moved on, but I didn’t forget about him.
Recently, I looked up his name on Facebook again. And I found it! Yes! He had unblocked me. He appeared on my search box on Facebook. I re-added him, he accepted, and we began to talk. I apologized to him, not for being who he hated but for putting the knowledge of who I was on him the way I did. He asked me to add him on Skype too, and after I did, we started skyping. It was as if nothing had happened, as if he’d totally forgotten what had transpired between us.
After our first day of back on Skype, he apologized to me for blocking me. And thereafter, it seemed as though our friendship became firmer. He wouldn’t go by a whole day without talking to me on Skype. He seemed inquisitive too, curious about my sexuality. He started asking me questions, questions about our mutual friends who I knew were also gay. Questions about my love life. Questions about my sex life. And each time, I told him, whenever I got to the erotic about kissing under the staircase or smooching inside the elevator, about doing it with my previous roommate, he would quickly tell me to stop, that it was disgusting, that I shouldn’t go on any further with my narration.
And yet, he was the one who asked me about it in the first place.
A few weeks ago, he told me he had a fight with his roommate, that the guy threatened to pack out of the house, and that he didn’t want him to leave, that the guy was good to room with, cooking and keeping the house clean for them, unlike the previous guys he had lived with. Often times, I’d asked him to show me a photo of this roommate of his, and each time, he would refuse with excuses that seemed silly to me. So when he told me about the fight, I asked him about what brought it on. He told me it was a money issue, that the guy spends lavishly on food items, and he doesn’t always have the money to give him as his share of the contribution. So I counseled him to apologize to the roommate and be frank with him. He agreed.
Some days later, he told me he lied about what brought about the fight between them. He revealed that it was because the guy attacked him at night (yes, attack, he said). Apparently, this roommate is gay, and came inside his room one night and reached for his dick to suck him. But he woke up and fought him off. My friend is well-built and muscled, and so I could imagine it when he said he thereupon gave his roommate a sound beating, during which he gave him a tear on his lip. There was blood. He claimed he didn’t know the guy was gay before they started rooming together, and now, the guy intends to leave the house.
That wasn’t all he told me. He started opening up about some funny stories about homosexuals. The latest was how he dreamed about a gay guy in his dream, who was chasing after him. The dream didn’t go any further than the pursuing.
And then, he began to act weird toward me. He would frown each time I didn’t pick his call on Skype. He asks funny questions about homosexuality, like he wants to know more than I think is appropriate for someone straight to know. He gets angry each time I ask after his roommate, accusing me of having a thing for the guy. He’s gotten . . . I don’t know, angry and possessive.
I just don’t know where all these are coming from. Frankly, I’m starting to suspect he is the gay one, and not his roommate. I suspect he framed the story of the roommate ‘attacking’ him, just like the many others he’s been telling me these days. He is becoming boring. I just don’t know him with this kind of attitude. I’d much rather he yab me and tell me how stupid and how disgusting being homosexual is; those don’t happen anymore. Instead, he calls me on Skype to remind me of how cute I look when I smile. I was weirded out the first time he paid me that compliment. And I truly do not like it.
And this is when I finally regret telling me about my sexuality. Now is when I wish I hadn’t. I should have let him remain the funny and interesting guy he’d always been who regaled me with stories about his female conquests. All that I miss now that he knows. . .
Written by Garrison