Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate

Blog_Let's DiscussSociety thrives of stereotypes more often than not. And when those stereotypes surround issues that society does not have a firm grasp on, it tends to find it hard to shake off these conceptions. And that is why there are lots of stereotypes about homosexuals which may often times be true, but are simply not as blanket as the general population would like to believe – such as that all gay men are sluts, all gay men want to drill ass, HIV is a given with gay sex, all gay people are religious deviants, yada-yada-yada. These are the reasons why movements for the gay cause exist, to educate society in the need to see us as people first, and homosexuals second. Perhaps, that will help eradicating these pesky conceptions of our sexuality.

But what about those stereotypes that gay people themselves perpetuate amongst themselves? An acquaintance of mine shared something with me, a recent occurrence in his life. And because it’s something that I find galling, I decided to share it here, to know your thoughts on the issue. Here’s what he had to say:

‘When I moved to Calabar, I asked a friend of mine to hook me up. I needed a sex partner, someone to go steady with, because I didn’t want to sleep around. My friend did. I met the guy he hooked me up with, and we hit it off. He’s Top.

‘Soon, I got to know him better. He sleeps with at least two guys on a good day, and has like five guys that I know of who believe they are his boyfriends. I didn’t judge him for it though.

‘Then he started turning me down sometimes, and I didn’t like it. So I decided to stop having sex with him entirely, and asked him to hook me up with someone else. He must not have liked it, because then he called me a slut (imagine THAT!). I reminded him of his five boyfriends and the fact that he still fucks any available ass. And he said it’s different in his case, because it’s okay for a Top to sleep around, but disgusting for a Bottom to sleep around.

‘I don’t get the logic in that. Do you?’

Well then, guys, does anyone get that logic, why it’s okay for a Top to sow his oats as he deems fit, but ‘disgusting’ for a Bottom to do the same? Let’s discuss…about this stereotype (and any other one) that we gay people perpetuate amongst ourselves.

40 thoughts on “Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate

  1. Ah hahaha what a pack of rubbish…am top
    but I dont subscribe to bottoms keeping to one person….if dat was so then we could just go ahead and marry d buttons we see…ah what a load of a big case of inferiority complex!!!!

    • ummm … King, some people want to be in and do pursue committed gay relationships … if you cant or wont, dont attempt to think everyone must toe your path …#justsayingthough#

  2. Ermmm who’s this King here ? *narrows eyes* For the Topic, I think we still reason like our parents and forefathers…you know the “It’s Okay for a Man to sleep around while not Okay for a Woman to do same”
    We still have that mentality…and trust me, it’s not an African thing….I have watched an American Gay-themed movie where The Top guy in the relationship told his Versatile BF that he’s allowed to fuck other people outside but NOBODY should fuck him. You see? He feels better when the BF acts the Man but feels horrible when he acts the Woman.
    But don’t quote me wrong, I don’t stereotype but I feel that physically, psychologically and emotionally that the Receiver bears more of whatever issue that comes up with MSM….be it health, emotional drama, ego….and what have you. Reason why some older dudes who I have met refused me to Top them. “A younger guy cannot Top me…I feel comfy when someone older Tops me”…so they said. Some Versatiles I met also told me I can’t Top them unless we flip-fuck….so you see?
    This has come to stay….we can’t change it. Even though anyone who sleeps around with different people to me is a Slut be you Top, Versatile or Bottom. As long as your having sex with different guys, your a Whore to me…

    • @kingBey: Word! A whore is a whore, is a whore!(Yea,I said it 3 times,lol). I can’t, with that silly stereotype…
      I’m not even going to touch this one; I’m just here for the comments…

  3. Lol… This is so true.. All gay people are termed “sluts”. We personally create some stereotypes on our own. It is sad. Truth remains, once u don’t have one man or u keep many different sex partners, whatever they call the straight people that do that is also applicable to u. #period

  4. Infact, this post got me reeling with laughter, see kettle calling pot black. Truth be told, as long the HIV thing still remain an issue, it would always be put in our faces as homosexuals. That alone is enough heartache.

    I concur with @Chestnut, a whore is a whore whether top or bottom. And the idea to quit the stereotyping is a long far fetched fight.

  5. It’s rooted is the patriarchal system in place in these parts, which to me is bull crap. I am a top and a very jealous one, so I watch my bf very closely like a hawk. Yes I have had a few “indiscretions” in the past, and I would freak out if I find out that he had some. However I don’t subscribe to the obnoxious view that fidelity is defined along lines of sexual roles. A whore is a whore definitely

    • Dennis, do you have space for polygamy? Can I be your second BF. I have so much crush on you.

      #MeWannaKnow

    • Dennis,nothing wrong with being a jealous lover,but if u’re gonna talk the talk,then be ready to walk the walk. If u expect ur bf to be 100% faithful, then be ready to give 100% as well…it’s just simple logic to me; I don’t get why many people don’t see it as simply as I do. Is one person a lesser human than the other in a relationship?

      • I used the term “indiscretions”! That means I don’t even endorse my own behavior! My jealousy is rooted in who I am, and it’s not defined along lines of sexual role. That’s what I meant

      • Yea Dennis, I understand what u mean by “indiscretions”,meaning they were “mistakes” that u didn’t foresee/foreplan(I hope). All I’m saying is, ur bf is just as human as u are; just as u’ve made mistakes u regret, he could also find himself in d same shoes…so if that ever happens,u should try not to freak out too much or get too mad at him.

    • ummm … Dennis, your brain dey HOTTTTT!!! *stirs in some more love potion into her pot of soup while staring lovingly at Dennis Macauley’s picture***

  6. I think what has happened here is quite simple: the guy has carried over his (mis)conception of gender roles as seen in the ‘heterosexual world,’ and has translated it into the gay world. Why then do you think straight guys want to fuck around, and still expect to marry virgins? You need to hear straight guys talk about girls who are sexually active: ‘That girl na ashawo,’ blah blah blah, and I’m like, ‘Na you fuck am, wetin you come be?’ Society wants to allow men to be sexually active, and then inhibit women sexually, and I’m like, How’s that even possible? A lot of gay guys have bought that nonsense.

    Recently, I’ve been observing a lot. The guy I used to have sex with back home would go, ‘Imagine, that guy was hitting on me,’ and there would be disgust on his face. But that disgust wasn’t because another guy had hit on him. The disgust was there because, n his words, ‘Imagine, they guys wants to fuck me.’ And me, dey vex na. So I teased him, gently, about him thinking I was inferior to him because of my sexual role, and he went, NO no no. It’s interesting though, funny sometimes, but mostly sad.

    But now, I can at least empathize with girls, because I know what it’s like to be seen as less than human.

  7. Talking about stereotypes, Pinky, let’s talk about the concepts of “whore” and “slut “.

    Why should we even import such heterosexual concepts among us? In addition to the wonderful observations made here, I also think the root of all these stereotypes is in our failure of imagination.
    It is in the gay people’s failure to come up with an independent definition of what sexual activity truly means.

    We need to start defining our sexual lives on our own terms and by our own yardstick without having to rely on all those poisonous ideas oozing out from our heterosexual neighbours.

    Slut?

    Isn’t that such a silly word behind a terribly silly idea in the first place?

    • Lol. Legalkoboko, I get what you mean. But ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ are at the end of the day, English words, independent of both sides of the divide. And they define promiscuity, whether gay or straight. No one imported anything. They simply exist for certain situations.

      • “Promiscuity is the behaviour of someone who has sex with many different people ; used showing disapproval “. BBC ENGLISH DICTIONARY 1992.

        My headache here Pinky, is with the phrase: “used showing disapproval “.
        Why should this be? Humans are ACTUALLY supposed to engage in indiscriminate sex in the first place. (checkout the lower animals ).

        The idea of chastity before marriage, chastity for life and even the idea of marriage (especially monogamous marriages ) is purely a human invention which is a reaction to our discomfort with the human body and with sex.
        Forgive me if I sound so none-religious , but the aberration here is with the expectation that human beings should be sexually restrained and restricted .

        It’s ok if Mr A or Miss B wants to refrain from sexual activities for some personal reasons.
        Its also ok if both decide to stick to one partner.
        But it isn’t ok if they turn round and expect everyone else to start living their life the same way.

        Let me control myself now and end my ranting. But my point is: promiscuity, slut, blah, blah were words put together in an age when control freaks were on the rampage. We need to let go of such expressions.

      • LegalKoboko, there are a lot of restraints placed on humans by society; for example, its natural to defeacate, but no one in his right senses would stop in the middle of the road and do that! the same goes for a number of other man-made restrictions reinforced by society’s expectations …

  8. Umm, I don’t think the slut thing is about stereotype oh. A stereotype is supposed to contain AN ELEMENT of truth, but what makes it a stereotype is that it is not the COMPLETE picture of what a person/thing is like. If we say all “tops or bottoms are sluts” is a stereotype, we’re saying it is true, although not completely so. And that is plain illogical and falsefalsefalse! People – regardless of their sexual orientation and roles – are “sluts” according to the needs of their libidos.

    That said, the stereotype I’m most guilty of is wanting to believe all butch women must have some lesbian in them (I have a friend from uni I’m still wondering about); and that all femme men have some gay in them. Even when studies have said this is not always the case.

      • Sista Pinky, am so guilty of that, in fact one of my favourite past times is spotting our “shelle sistas” and pointing them out to friends when we r out together. Am always like “oshe my sista, we don see you ooo, biko fly your flag high and sell your market, nothing do you sista mi” …

    • “The danger of a single story by chimamanda Ngozi Adichie”….she talked a lot about stereotypes. check it out on youtube

  9. Nonsense who he think say he dey mumu . its DAT funny crazy mentality DAT tops re men and bottoms re women dats where his coming from ifyou sleep around you sleep around irrespective of your role just be care dats all DAT matter sex is only safe wen you maintain safety measures not selective have fun guyz

  10. Hello there, first time posting. I have something to share and was wondering does anyone here identify with
    This terminologies.

    2. A-Lister Gay
    a gay man who can’t stomach sex with another gay man

    3. B-Lister Gay or Kevlarite
    an outed gay man who can stomach sex with another outed gay man; gay man with Kevlar stomach (eat everything, puke nothing)

    4. Revoltications
    science of revulsion; study of revolting things & people, like Homosexual Disease & Intellectual Charlatans

    5. Therapeutic Revulsion
    a form of sexual conversion program where innate revulsion to other homosexuals is reinforced to overcome homosexual disease itself

    6. Disease-Specific Marriage
    marriage founded around a a certain disease, like so-called Gay Marriage among Kevlarite gays

    7. Congenitally Outed Gay
    gay man born with physical manifestations of his sexual orientation (e.g. lisp, limp wrists, etc.)

    8. Cyril
    French slang, a gay man who tries very hard to act straight by modulating his voice, making rigid his movements, etc., but everybody knows he’s gay

    9. Benign Gay
    Gay whose homosexual tendencies are still amenable to treatment

    10. Malignant Gay
    incurable gay

    11. Metastatic Malignant Gay
    an incurable outed gay who conjures ruses to recruit dumb benign gays to “come out”

    12. Muscle Diva
    a gay man, who could be either masculine-looking or effeminate, who assiduously uses the gym to compensate for whatever personal reasons

    13. Metamorphic Sexuality
    fluidity of sexual behavior & orientation, transformation of one to the other in the right circumstances & conditions

    14. Marlon Brando Syndrome
    when a self-identified heterosexual (who is secretly a bisexual) changes girl friends & wives, & though seen by the public as playboy, his emotional focus was not on a girl all along

    15. Eww Set
    those who hate themselves so much they swallow when they should be vomiting

    16. Symmetrical Bisexuality
    partnership of convenience between a bisexual male & female, so they could have sex with both sexes while presenting a heterosexual public image

    17. Toilet Moment
    the point of discovery when the object of his attention, which he thought was straight, turned out to be either gay or bi, giving to an A-lister the sensation of wanting to puke in the toilet

    18. The Dick Principle
    there’s bound to be a limit when delusions are no longer funny, thus unacceptable

  11. a lot of these labels are idiotic notions we carried over from our ancestral male – dominated societies, where everything male is superior and acceptable while everything female is inferior. Its seen as manly and noble for a man to have many wives and concubines and girlfriends and to sow his oats wildly and widely while a woman who dares for another man to see her lap is a whore of the worst kind. Gays have internalized and carried this into the “gaybourhood”. Absolute trash!! while gay and straight relationships share a lot of similarities, they are also very different!! These stereotypes and labels are extremely annoying. A versatile, will happily go both ways (depending on who am with), but am extremely paranoid and careful about who i let top me. Am not about to become one more pawn in some delusional top’s mental ego trips.I dont understand the weird kick some tops get from running other gays down, i guess its a means of assuaging their inner inferiority complex! I cant tell you how often i’ve had this argument with top friends who insist that it normal for tops to cheat, but that a bottom who does the same is disgusting. Like chestnut said, “a whore is a whore is a whore!” whether top or bottom!!

  12. Just think any top who feels he his superior should pls grow up and stop being a kid,,, am bottom and am free to sleep with whoever I want as long as we are not married u cannot but a Tag on me as #slut so am free

  13. The bottom line , pardon the pun, of stereotypes is that there are ‘sluts’.

    There are only 2 types of people in the world- those who exhibit their inner ‘slut’, and those sublimating theirs while talking about others.

  14. The person pinky talked about doesn’t surprise me… creatures like that exist.

    I just wish said person were here to let us know why a bottom with many sexual partners is not right while a top with many sexual partners is okay. I want to know the way the minds of those people work.

  15. Hey guys, I actually enjoy sexual encounters where the bottom is feminized. As I said, I only like this sexually. If someone acts like that outside the bedroom I lose interest.

  16. Lol..u guys are really funny..tnx for d comments tho…diz is actually my story and I appreciate ur comments..I just hope d sac of scum was here to read em.

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