There’s this guy I recently started chatting with. Ola. My, my, my… he’s got a smoking body. His face is not all that, but I can always put a paper bag over his face or close my eyes and picture someone else. Lol. Okay, it’s not that bad, but still.
I’d love to get into his pants, but I’m resisting and hesitating because he’s bi. I don’t have anything against bisexual people. It’s just that, there are some that spell trouble for you if you get involved with them, and my instincts were telling me to stay away. He’s one of those guys who will thrash as long as it’s a hole, and he has little respect for those he’s thrashed, and I don’t want to be one of his trophies. He also seems like someone who would lash out drastically, if his sexuality or masculinity is questioned. I have a friend who was outed by some bisexual guy, who carried tales about how my friend purportedly seduced him.
And to make matters worse, I found out this Ola fellow doesn’t even kiss and all that… Blergh!
The reasons for not doing it don’t really feel substantial when I look at them now as I write, but my instincts are blaring alarm signals that this one is full of drama.
But there’s still the classic battle between my hormones and my brain. Brain is saying “Sit down in your house and wank to your porn collection, or call a gay friend, or travel to see your bf if you’re so horny.” While Hormones – those little tramps – are reminding me how hot his body is and telling me to ignore Mister Goody-Two-Shoes Brain and go live on the wild side a little.
*sigh* Brain is winning so far, but that’s only cause I’m avoiding seeing the guy or being alone with him. I cannot categorically tell you that I will not pounce on him if we end up alone in a room. But I can always make sure that I don’t create a scenario for that (I think)
Two weeks ago, I got into trouble with Le Boo. Na me cause am sha. I went to sleep with my ex, John.
I felt guilty and in an attempt to free my conscience, I told Duke. I knew he’d be mad, but not mad enough to break up with me. He was after all the one asking me whether I had slept with John since we started dating, and how I should tell him the truth that he wouldn’t mind. But he didn’t take my telling him later very lightly. I begged and begged and even decided to drop all my plans to travel to where he was so that I could show him how sorry I was and we could talk and stuff. But he said no. That we are over. That I am wicked. Etcetera, etcetera.
I felt really sorry, but when he refused to give me the address to his new place, I decided to give him his space, and if he was serious with the break-up, then so be it. It’s not like I had much to go back to. More often than not, I have to remind myself that I have a boyfriend, and that he is real and not imaginary. His online presence is so low, and his is one of those cases where “out of sight and out of mind” works. When we are together physically, we click and shii, but when he’s away… Blergh.
So evening comes, and he beeps me on BBM – I’m horny.
What am I to do about that, I reply, a bit irritated.
If he was around me, I would beat him with a brick. So I have turned to a booty call, abi? If the whole drama wasn’t happening, I might have found it sexy and shii, but this just felt irritating. I was even beginning to move on nicely from him (one cannot suffer himself because of one guy na)
We argued back and forth, but since I’m the one who actually was at fault and went to put my dick where it shouldn’t have been, I conceded to traveling to his place where I made him feel better as many times and as many ways as he wanted to. *wink*
We are still together and it’s still strained but whatever. I’m just chilling for the day I’ll decide I’ve had enough.
I’m sure many people are rolling their eyes and saying, “This is why I don’t do gay relationships. They cheat too much and there’s too much drama.”
I laugh and shake my head nowadays when I hear such. Because straight relationships are devoid of cheating and are drama-free, abi? Abegi! Go tell that one to the birds. My straight friends are cheating all over the place. And even the females have started to be masters at the game. And the drama can be epic.
Still relationships are not by force. You can fuck all over the place but I bet it would be awkward to want to cuddle during a one night stand.
Personally, I find the slutty life tiring. The first few times might be aii, but it gets exhausting. This one doesn’t kiss… That one doesn’t give BJs… This one is not clean and wants you to still fuck… That other one simply wants to go right in… One time I was with someone who kept asking me to bite harder on his nipples and I was scared I would draw blood from them. In the end, what I really want is someone to come back home to or wait for anxiously because the mo’fucka is late. Someone whose embrace and scent I’m familiar with, and whose lips I know like the back of my hand. It’s just like a comment I saw on Kito Diaries: ‘Sex takes care of an immediate need. Love takes care of the rest.’
And here’s my definition of love: Seeing the good, the bad and the ugly and all the bullshit, but deciding to stay because your life would feel incomplete without that person. Cause you want that person to be a part of your life and would do anything to keep it like that.
It’s flawed thinking, I know. But the human race is too flawed to have high expectations or expect a perfect story book relationship. I go into my relationships expecting the other person to cheat. It hurts when I find out, yes. I will rant and fume and do nyanga. But in the end, if I feel the person is worth sticking with, then I will stay.
But that’s just me.
I’m hungry as fuck and it’s past midnight. Lemme go and soak garri… till later.
Written by James