What to write. Lol.
Well, Duke and I seem to have improved. We talk more often now. I also got Ed Sheeran’s album and I’m loving it. I know people would have got it ages ago but I like to take my time to get albums.
I want to write a story. A nice story. About a guy who is in love with his best friend. That would just be the starting. It won’t be centered on their relationship. That won’t be realistic.
I’m beginning to question if love lasts forever. I was talking to someone and he said he’s really liking some dude but they won’t date because there is no future in it. We Nigerian gays have it bad. It’s just sex, you know. And even when we do get into a relationship, we don’t take it serious. We cheat anyhow and that’s because we feel there’s no future in being with one person.
In my opinion, future or not, when you love someone, you give it your best shot. Might not be enough but you can actually say you did and it didn’t work and have no regrets. No need to wonder what would have happened if you tried a little bit harder.
I am an idealist. I know my view of the world isn’t realistic. I have been told so many times by gay and straight people. But I really can’t figure out a better way for ME to look at the world. If I decided to be realistic, I’d go into such bouts of depression because everything would just seem hopeless. But then again, being an idealist leaves room for me to be hurt when I’m reminded that my world isn’t ideal.
So I reached a compromise. I would always hope for the best and expect the worst.
I was on a bike one day and I remembered a few conversations I’ve had. Especially on the women issues when I’m talking to my fellow guys who like guys. And on many an occasion when I tell them I’ve never been with a woman, they would be aghast and tell me to please try and be with one. It irritates me.
We live in a world where people try to manipulate who you are or tell you what to like or what to do and we as gay people know what it’s like. But we still put that pressure on ourselves. As if it’s not enough that you’re the odd one out among your straight friends, you also have to be the odd one with gay people.
I was with a friend a few days ago. It had just rained and we were leaning on the balcony of my hostel enjoying the fresh clean air and talking when two guys came walking up to us.
I’m sure all of you have met these kinds of guys, the obvious ones. The ones who can’t help but gesticulate and weave signs in the air as they talk. The ones you can picture in high heels and weave-on doing better than Beyoncé in her single ladies music video.
I’m friends with those guys, the two of them that came walking. I like their company… they also have good gist that you just cannot hear from your average ‘down-low’ guy, and it’s just interesting to be with them. And one of them gives AWESOME head.
They said hello to me and talked for a bit before walking away since they were going for choir rehearsals. I studied my friend’s face and watched his contempt as they left us. I knew what he was going to say next.
“Look at them… like women. I pity them if they don’t tone it down.”
“Leave them alone,” was my response.
But it got me thinking. What’s wrong with us gay people? My friend is as gay as they come, and so am I, but why in the world do gay people in Nigeria feel the need to hate on one of their own? Why don’t we practice the tolerance we preach? When we see effeminate guys, we get all guarded and want them to be more “straight acting”.
It’s hypocrisy in my opinion. We are preaching a message of love and acceptance when most of us can’t even accept those within our circle.
But to be fair, I think part of it stems from the raging fires of homophobia in this country and the fact that we feel we would be exposed if we hang with them. We don’t want to be seen with the boy with the freakishly high voice that can’t help but gesticulate when they talk and do really weird and freaky stuff to their hair. (What’s it with gay people and lots of hair anyways? Me, I just hack mine off when it begins to be a bother to comb)
Maybe if the country was more accepting, we would be less frightened of them. But I don’t see that happening… you get what you give. If you can’t accept your fellows for adoring Beyoncé or wagging their fingers till you fear they’ll poke out your eyeballs, then I don’t see the straights opening up their arms and saying “I don’t have a problem with the fact that you like guys.”
Some people will probably say they need to tone it down for their own good. Before a despising mob will come and beat the bejesus out of them. The law, anyone? To them I say, why don’t you walk a mile in their high heels before you ask them to tone it down? How do you know that that’s not them toning it down? Some people are meant to be flaming and just have to express themselves else they might burst. I can relate. I am not effeminate (so I’ve been told sha…I think they need to bleach their eyes and look at me again) but if you do try and change parts of me, like the fact that I loooove Beyoncé and will sing her songs while walking down the street, or my fascination with my mother’s heels (bite me), then you’ve got a long way to go. Just like many of you know that your being gay can hardly be changed, they know that their nature can hardly be changed. These ‘sisters’ know that their behaviour is high risk. They are not dumb… and I’m pretty sure they would give anything in the world to be like your average ‘straight acting’ Joe. Heck, I even know a few who have tried, still that nature of theirs seeped into the way they did things. I don’t think it can actually ever be shut down.
When you’re gay – I mean really, really gay – it shows in varying degrees. It just cannot be helped. Though I don’t sashay when I walk or gesticulate a lot, the fact that my playlist consists of Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, P!nk and the likes is a pointer. Many a straight wannabe rapper has gone through my music and said, “Guy, you be gay?” It used to bother me even to the point of getting straight-sounding music, but biko, it bored the hell out of me and I just couldn’t connect the way I did when I listened to Taylor talk about how some dude broke her heart. In the end, I stopped caring and did what I liked. Especially since that still didn’t even stop the “are you gay” questions from popping up once in a while. (the deciding factor was when a girl found out I could sing, write and draw and asked if I was gay)
One of my exes was so worried about being thought of as gay he downloaded videos on how to be an alpha male and kept asking me if there was anything girly with the way he walked. One time he wanted to take by force one of my clothes which actually looked pretty good on him and I just had to say “It makes you look gay” for him to take it off. Meanwhile there was nothing wrong with the shirt or the way he walked or talked or did his things. But he does have a chock full of cosmetics and is always fabulously dressed anytime he gets the chance to be, and he sometimes gesticulates when he is really excited.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that these things can’t be helped all the time and it is very wrong of people to turn their noses down on one of their own or ask them to change because it isn’t good for a man to act like a woman.
I’ve got effeminate friends. When we chat, I even go “guuuuurl” “hunty!” “sup bitch” and that’s cause I love that they’re like that. I wouldn’t mind being seen with them in public though admittedly their flaminess can be overwhelming and I have to ask them to tone it down. But I don’t ask them to stop or chide them that it’s wrong or remind them that they are not women so why are they acting like women.
It’s really what we all should endeavour to do, one for the other. We are trying to preach a message of acceptance to the society at large; but then, how can we genuinely get our message out, when there isn’t much acceptance going on amongst us? Practice what you preach.
Written by James