In my last Unfaithful article, I proposed a theory that maybe the reason most gay men find it difficult going mono is because we grew up without models of ourselves in the media and families around us. And I said that maybe if we’d been raised to see that gayness (like straightness) has a future beyond a few fucks here and there, most gays would slip on the responsibility garb quicker and easier and look to settle down. Even now, many homosexuals I know have hopes of eventually “quitting” (like it’s a career or habit) to get married to a woman. (Note that even in the US where there’s freedom, I still think many gay men alive grew up without these models; after all, the 1950s and 1980 – gay rights and AIDS respectively thingz – are still within living memory. Maybe in a 100 years, this situation will readjust.)
Yes! The koko we’ve been waiting for. That one guy in whose sweet eyes you read the words: MINE! And mine alone. Most of us can relate to that irrational jealousy that claims us when a guy we are shagging (just shagging oh!) shags someone else. Territoriality (agamas will be proud!). So maybe deep down we are wired to want to chop alone (Didn’t Jesus Christ say something about the original creation plan?)
Anyhow, I don’t preach monogamy. Or polygamy for that matter. We are human beings, and the wiring of our species is captured best in the word – COMPLEXITY. Our patterns of behaviour are as unpredictable as they are diverse, especially as we possess something lower animals do not: culture.
I know liberals who, after screaming all kinds of rights, squirm when you bring polygamy to the table. Some say it’s barbaric. Well, what is barbaric to me is policing behaviour when it threatens no one. Whatever works for you is fine. If sticking it in one guy will kill you, go ahead, stick it in many; and if sticking it in several guys will kill you, go ahead, stick to one. As long as you possess one vital quality – HOE-NESTY.
You gotta be honest with yourself first before anyone else. Can’t give what you ain’t got. My third relationship was an open one. From the word go, it was clear what I could give, what I couldn’t give. My guy knew I was seeing other people, and I knew he was seeing other people. No lies, no hurt.
Written by Absalom
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